I am reading the new novel by Beth Moore titled, So Long Insecurity...you've been a bad friend to us. Man is it ever speaking to the depths of my soul. I guess I have always known that I was insecure but when you are staring it straight in the face day after day...it truly becomes disgusting.
I am realizing this more than ever as my new role as a mom. I believe it is the lighter fluid to my fire. I am letting it govern my relationship with Caroline more than I would like to admit. And the truth is...I am terrified that I will fail her.
I want so badly to be the best mom out there, that the expectations I have placed on myself are terribly unrealistic. I can never be the mom that I envision in my head to be, because I am pretty sure that she would be a narotic, obsessed, annoying woman. (think I love Lucy, Leave it to Beaver, June Cleaver, and the modern family mom all rolled into one) Plus the perfect mom doesn't exist.
But this is what I am coming to believe about being a good mom:
1) She loves her child with the Love of the Lord.
2) She sacrifices for her child, but takes care of herself so she can do so.
3) She is patient...but extends grace to herself when she looses her cool.
4) She prays deeply and earnestly for her child and her home.
5) She respects the process. A baby is just that...a baby. They soon will be an infant, toddler and then child.
6) She realizes that sleep is just a five letter word and not a necessity.
7) Everything is not and never will be perfect. She understands this full well.
8) She takes time to enjoy the ride. Life goes to fast and they grow up so fast. So she stops to lay on the floor and laugh, she rocks her baby every chance she gets, she snuggles more than not, she talks baby talk just for the fun of it and she sleeps when the baby sleeps.
I have been insecure about being a mom for far too long, that I have let it steal some of my joy. I am over it and refuse to give in to it any more! Beth Moore made a statement in her book that is sticking with me,
" What would happen if we quit being accomplices to our own misery?"
I'll tell you what would happen...peace! So I am taking the peaceful road today. I am claiming 1 Corinthians 10:13~ no temptation have overtaken me but that which is common to man. And God is faithful. He will not let me tempted by more than I can bear. But when I am tempted, he provides a way out so that I can stand up underneath it.
So there I stand...So long Insecurity~ you have been a very bad friend!
Confidently embracing motherhood,
Lindsey
Lindsey, I am very glad you wrote and posted this because I am currently battling this issue BIG TIME with my own business and motherhood. Looks like I need to get my hands on that book. Beth Moore has always made sense to me and she makes me aware of what the Bible says like no one else. So thank you, for being brave enough to admit you're going through this. I have felt like I am in a pressure cooker here lately and I'm about to blow! I know Satan is just hounding me, but I gotta take control through Jesus and take back the confidence I know He wants me to have in myself.
ReplyDeleteI have chill bumps. Glad that you had a nice little victory today! I love you dearly...
ReplyDelete