For those of you who clicked on this thinking I am talking about having another child...so sorry to dissapoint, but no that's not what I meant. But please for the sake of your heart keep reading...
For most of you who keep up with my blog you know that I am unashamedly a HUGE Ann Voskamp fan. I have posted one afer another posts of her work here on this blog, and the changes it has made in me.
So "another one" you ask? My response is "Why Not?"
This one is that good.
GO HERE NOW!
Lots of love,
Lindsey
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
Controlling...humph.....
So in the past week I have come face to face with the controlling part of my personality. It was brought to my attention and now I can't get away from it. It's everywhere...
First things first...I don't want to be. I really don't. It's not something people pride themselves on being. It's not something they list as a strength on their resume. It's not something people would even outwardly admit to others. It's a deep dark secret that most of us try to keep under wraps until, if you are lucky like me, others get a ugly glimpse of it.
Since last Saturday I have dug deep personally for some answers. I have tried to shut my mouth and let the Lord work out of me this characteristic of mine. And the longer I stayed quiet the more I saw how much of my life I try to control.
As a mom, daily I control our environment. I make most the decisions for Caroline and I throughout the day.I feel like I have the best knowledge (if you would even call it that) of what Caroline needs and or wants. It's really more like a guessing game, but I feel like my guesses are pretty good. I have to keep a stable environment so that our ship doesn't sink here, and so I take the captain role.
This has seeped into other areas of life now. My husband, friends and family have begun to see the error of this thought process. I, very late in the game, am picking up the vibe.
So how do you as a mom let go of control? How do you as a wife let go of control? How do you as a friend let go of controlling the relationship to meet your needs? How do you as a sibling or daughter/son let go of controlling how your family's dysfunction looks to others?
I do realize that it's never mine in the first place with God in my life...but I try to steer more often than letting Him have that place. It's endlessly frustrating and beyond overwhelming.
Systematically with a toddler I have to lay boundaries out and have schedule and consistency throughout our day. I know this for truth. But how do I not control her? How do I let go of what I want for her and just let her be her?
How do I stop controlling how I think my husband should parent our daughter and let him just be the daddy he naturally is?
How do I stop trying to make my family be something that their not and just let them live the lives they want to live?
How do I stop trying to control whether my friends like me or not?
Trying to control everything is no way to live and brings no freedom to just be me. It strangles and takes away joy from life. It is a silent threat for all my relationships. This is truth.
The phrase "Let go and let God" is easier said than done....but there is no other place I could run to faster than to His grace, His love, His forgiveness.
For us controlling people:
"Do you want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here's what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It's the way you live not the way you talk, that counts. Mean-spirited ambition isn't wisdom. Boasting that you are wise isn't wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourselves sound wise isn't wisdom. It's the furthest thing from wisdom-it's animal cunning, devilish conniving. Whenever you are trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the other's throats.
Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy robust community that lives right with God and enjoy it's results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor."
James 3:13-18 (The Message)
First things first...I don't want to be. I really don't. It's not something people pride themselves on being. It's not something they list as a strength on their resume. It's not something people would even outwardly admit to others. It's a deep dark secret that most of us try to keep under wraps until, if you are lucky like me, others get a ugly glimpse of it.
Since last Saturday I have dug deep personally for some answers. I have tried to shut my mouth and let the Lord work out of me this characteristic of mine. And the longer I stayed quiet the more I saw how much of my life I try to control.
As a mom, daily I control our environment. I make most the decisions for Caroline and I throughout the day.I feel like I have the best knowledge (if you would even call it that) of what Caroline needs and or wants. It's really more like a guessing game, but I feel like my guesses are pretty good. I have to keep a stable environment so that our ship doesn't sink here, and so I take the captain role.
This has seeped into other areas of life now. My husband, friends and family have begun to see the error of this thought process. I, very late in the game, am picking up the vibe.
So how do you as a mom let go of control? How do you as a wife let go of control? How do you as a friend let go of controlling the relationship to meet your needs? How do you as a sibling or daughter/son let go of controlling how your family's dysfunction looks to others?
I do realize that it's never mine in the first place with God in my life...but I try to steer more often than letting Him have that place. It's endlessly frustrating and beyond overwhelming.
Systematically with a toddler I have to lay boundaries out and have schedule and consistency throughout our day. I know this for truth. But how do I not control her? How do I let go of what I want for her and just let her be her?
How do I stop controlling how I think my husband should parent our daughter and let him just be the daddy he naturally is?
How do I stop trying to make my family be something that their not and just let them live the lives they want to live?
How do I stop trying to control whether my friends like me or not?
Trying to control everything is no way to live and brings no freedom to just be me. It strangles and takes away joy from life. It is a silent threat for all my relationships. This is truth.
The phrase "Let go and let God" is easier said than done....but there is no other place I could run to faster than to His grace, His love, His forgiveness.
For us controlling people:
"Do you want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here's what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It's the way you live not the way you talk, that counts. Mean-spirited ambition isn't wisdom. Boasting that you are wise isn't wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourselves sound wise isn't wisdom. It's the furthest thing from wisdom-it's animal cunning, devilish conniving. Whenever you are trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the other's throats.
Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy robust community that lives right with God and enjoy it's results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor."
James 3:13-18 (The Message)
Monday, July 2, 2012
What does that mean?
I have been a way for a while...but this might explain it.
We have some very close friends that came to have dinner with us on Friday. After we put Caroline to bed and their boys were curled up on the couch watching a movie we sat around the kitchen table talking life.
My girlfriend is all into personality profiles and how they can help you better understand your friends, spouse and family. She was talking about what she recently learned from her taking the Myers Brig personality test and how it has changed her relationships. My husband also loves these tests...I on the otherhand hate taking any sort of test. But somehow we ended up online all taking this test to see what our personality profile was.
As luck would have it I went first. I am not going to lie, 10 questions in with my husband and best friend trying to answer the questions the way they think I am, I was ready to give up.
I am as insecure as the come...working hard on becoming God-secure. So I gritted my teeth and finished the test. I, my friends, am a ESFJ.
"What does that mean?" you say....well it means that the first career path listed under my type is homemaker. Let me say that again....HOMEMAKER! Yup.
As everyone else finished their tests, we started looking at famous people that had our personality types. As the three others sitting at the table comparing people on their list like C.S. Lewis, Calvin Coolidge (and 7 other presidents on my husbands page), mary the mother of Jesus, Luke the disciple and others who made significant impacts in our history, the most famous person on my page was Sally Fields or Donna Reed.
I started feeling incredibly insecure. For the next day and half, I felt like I was less than my friends and their great personality types. They would be changing the world and I would just be running my little old household doing nothing because that's not how God made me.
Until I thought, "Yes this is how God made me. He made me to be a wife and a mom. He made me to take care of others. He made me to love others...completely. He made me a homemaker because in raising my child (and possibly in the future other children) I will be changing the world. I might not be in the hand to hand combat but by being who God made me to be my children might just be the ones to do something great. "
My ESFJ personality just might have a purpose. Ofcourse it does! I have been trying for so long to decide what I wanted to do because I have been fighting this stay at home mom thing for so long! But why fight something that I am called to do. I should just embrace it and give it everything I have. If I am going to be great at anything I want to be great at being a good wife to my husband and mom to my children.
So what does this all mean...it means that it's ok to embrace who you are. Actually do more than embrace it....run after it with all your might. Throw yourself into your strengths and don't focus on your weaknesses. Be who God made you to be!
ESFJ,
Lindsey
We have some very close friends that came to have dinner with us on Friday. After we put Caroline to bed and their boys were curled up on the couch watching a movie we sat around the kitchen table talking life.
My girlfriend is all into personality profiles and how they can help you better understand your friends, spouse and family. She was talking about what she recently learned from her taking the Myers Brig personality test and how it has changed her relationships. My husband also loves these tests...I on the otherhand hate taking any sort of test. But somehow we ended up online all taking this test to see what our personality profile was.
As luck would have it I went first. I am not going to lie, 10 questions in with my husband and best friend trying to answer the questions the way they think I am, I was ready to give up.
I am as insecure as the come...working hard on becoming God-secure. So I gritted my teeth and finished the test. I, my friends, am a ESFJ.
"What does that mean?" you say....well it means that the first career path listed under my type is homemaker. Let me say that again....HOMEMAKER! Yup.
As everyone else finished their tests, we started looking at famous people that had our personality types. As the three others sitting at the table comparing people on their list like C.S. Lewis, Calvin Coolidge (and 7 other presidents on my husbands page), mary the mother of Jesus, Luke the disciple and others who made significant impacts in our history, the most famous person on my page was Sally Fields or Donna Reed.
I started feeling incredibly insecure. For the next day and half, I felt like I was less than my friends and their great personality types. They would be changing the world and I would just be running my little old household doing nothing because that's not how God made me.
Until I thought, "Yes this is how God made me. He made me to be a wife and a mom. He made me to take care of others. He made me to love others...completely. He made me a homemaker because in raising my child (and possibly in the future other children) I will be changing the world. I might not be in the hand to hand combat but by being who God made me to be my children might just be the ones to do something great. "
My ESFJ personality just might have a purpose. Ofcourse it does! I have been trying for so long to decide what I wanted to do because I have been fighting this stay at home mom thing for so long! But why fight something that I am called to do. I should just embrace it and give it everything I have. If I am going to be great at anything I want to be great at being a good wife to my husband and mom to my children.
So what does this all mean...it means that it's ok to embrace who you are. Actually do more than embrace it....run after it with all your might. Throw yourself into your strengths and don't focus on your weaknesses. Be who God made you to be!
ESFJ,
Lindsey
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