Controlling...humph.....

So in the past week I have come face to face with the controlling part of my personality. It was brought to my attention and now I can't get away from it. It's everywhere...

First things first...I don't want to be. I really don't. It's not something people pride themselves on being. It's not something they list as a strength on their resume. It's not something people would even outwardly admit to others. It's a deep dark secret that most of us try to keep under wraps until, if you are lucky like me, others get a ugly glimpse of it.

Since last Saturday I have dug deep personally for some answers. I have tried to shut my mouth and let the Lord work out of me this characteristic of mine. And the longer I stayed quiet the more I saw how much of my life I try to control.

As a mom, daily I control our environment. I make most the decisions for Caroline and I throughout the day.I feel like I have the best knowledge (if you would even call it that) of what Caroline needs and or wants. It's really more like a guessing game, but I feel like my guesses are pretty good. I have to keep a stable environment so that our ship doesn't sink here, and so I take the captain role.

This has seeped into other areas of life now. My husband, friends and family have begun to see the error of this thought process. I, very late in the game, am picking up the vibe.

So how do you as a mom let go of control? How do you as a wife let go of control? How do you as a friend let go of controlling the relationship to meet your needs? How do you as a sibling or daughter/son let go of controlling how your family's dysfunction looks to others?

 I do realize that it's never mine in the first place with God in my life...but I try to steer more often than letting Him have that place. It's endlessly frustrating and beyond overwhelming.
Systematically with a toddler I have to lay boundaries out and have schedule and consistency throughout our day. I know this for truth. But how do I not control her? How do I let go of what I want for her and just let her be her?
How do I stop controlling how I think my husband should parent our daughter and let him just be the daddy he naturally is?
How do I stop trying to make my family be something that their not and just let them live the lives they want to live?
How do I stop trying to control whether my friends like me or not?

Trying to control everything is no way to live and brings no freedom to just be me. It strangles and takes away joy from life. It is a silent threat for all my relationships. This is truth.

The phrase "Let go and let God" is easier said than done....but there is no other place I could run to faster than to His grace, His love, His forgiveness.

For us controlling people:
"Do you want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here's what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It's the way you live not the way you talk, that counts. Mean-spirited ambition isn't wisdom. Boasting that you are wise isn't wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourselves sound wise isn't wisdom.  It's the furthest thing from wisdom-it's animal cunning, devilish conniving. Whenever you are trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the other's throats.
Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy robust community that lives right with God and enjoy it's results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor."
James 3:13-18 (The Message)