Controlling

Well...let's be honest, the word has a negative connotation to it. I mean who in their right mind wants to be known as a controlling person? I sure don't. But last night I came face to face with the fact that, I indeed, am as controlling as they come.

I don't know if I was in denial, or maybe just unaware of this characteristic. But, after my sweet husband uttered these fateful words, a thud of truth landed loudly in the deepest parts of my heart. I my sweet friends am what he says.

As I laid in bed last night (still stewing over his words I should add) I talked with the Lord about this matter. I mean is controlling really a bad thing? No one thinks negatively about being "passionate", it's a word people use often to praise themselves. But isn't controlling and passionate on an even playing field?

So let's just say I am passionate about having a clean house, and how to load the dishwasher because it makes unloading it so much easier and how Caroline gets ready for bed, and what she eats and doesn't eat. I am passionate about doing everything possible to keep her asleep in the mornings so we both can get a few extra zzz's. So, if that means my husband is making too much noise in the mornings, a little "sshhh" from me is warranted...right?

I hope you are laughing at me because I am laughing at myself. You might also be thinking "Your poor husband" and you would be correct in thinking so. You see it's all a little quite ridiculous. I got the sense that God was thinking the same thing when we were going over this list last night before bed.

I think the first step in getting out of the hole is recognizing your in one. So for that matter I am so thankful for the self-awareness. I DO NOT want to be controlling. But let me ask you this (I wish you could hear the sincerity of my heart) if I don't want to be controlling how do I stop?

 I do like the dishes put in the dishwasher a certain way because it's easier for me to unload them. I am the one who mostly loads and unloads them. So is asking someone to do something for you that makes your life easier a bad thing? This is where my sense fails me..because deep in my heart I welcome the help...I really do. I appreciate the times my husband does the dishes, cleans up or helps out with C. But why do I get so hung up on the things that he does or doesn't do that are different then the way I do them?

There is only one answer...stupidity. I should be grateful for his help. PERIOD! I shouldn't harp or nag because that reminds me of a proverb that I would love to have never read.
 ^" Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse." Proverbs 21:9 (the message)

Oh God, please help me to stop the nagging...to stop the controlling! It's not worth it....
And He so gently says to me....
"He (God) has showed you, O (wo)man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God… – Micah 6:8 (amp)

Yes Lord...I hear you. Kindness, mercy, humility...got it.
So all that to say, I am a work in progress.

Honey...if you read this, I love you and I am sorry. Please forgive me and trust that I am working on me. I am so thankful for all the help you give to me here at home.( And you do help.) You are one amazing man and I am so thankful to have married you!

Sigh~
Lindsey

All Grown Up

I would like to say this post is about C, but it's not. It's about me. If there is one thing that having a baby does for you it for sure would be, makes you grow up. No more of the selfish moments of doing whatever you want, whenever you want, without a thought or care about anything. This is absolutely, positively, not the case anymore. I am, for all intense purposes, growing up.

This year has been a year of ups and downs for our family as we grow into our new roles. It's like we are really figuring out who we are for the next phase of our lives. Chris has grown into the provider role as I quit work to stay home with our little one and I have grown into the mommy/house wife role. I would like to say these were easy transitions for us... but then I would be lying.

First of all going from two-incomes to one was quite a shock. All the frills of two incomes have, over the course of the year, moved out and some how we have acquired their in-laws stress and anxiety. It's not that we aren't "making it" we certainly are, but it's a lifestyle adjustment. And when you are people like us...that takes some getting use to. Because your wants don't always match up with your cans. Thankfully we are finally getting this concept and kicking out our unwelcome in-laws.

Chris now has taken on full financial responsibility of our home. I guess I was naive to the fact that this would be hard mentally on our person. But after many talks (and arguments) I am pulling off my blinders to see the BIG job he has in front of him. It honestly has taken me by surprise that I didn't see earlier how some of my comments could affect him. I have not helped as much as I should in encouraging him in this new role. He is sacrificing alot so that I can stay home with C, and I definitely could stand to appreciate that fact a little more.

And as for me in the mommy/housewife role...well let's just say it's a lot harder than it looks. I have spoken to so many new moms who struggle with the "Do I go back to work, or do I stay home?" question and I understand why so many of them do go back to work. Staying at home, day in and day out, is the toughest job I have ever had and you don't get paid for it. Staying home is emotionally, physically and mentally draining. There have been countless days where I have wondered to myself, "maybe I am just not cut out for this." And if taking care of the baby isn't enough add trying to keep your house clean and cook dinner. Oh and don't forget the fact you don't get a lunch break, bathroom break or get off work ever for that matter. So, it is the job that never ends.

BUT, it is the most rewarding job I ever had. I get to take care of my family. There aren't any bonuses or certificate of achievements, but I am showered often throughout the day with hugs and sweet kisses. I get to witness all of her firsts and seconds and thirds. I get to hold her when she is sick and laugh with her when she discovers something new. We have found new friends and learned that family is worth everything. I sometimes try new recipes and I have found a love for making baby things (bows, burp cloths, tutus, onesies, etc.) I also like Chris coming home to a hot meal waiting for him and all of us getting to eat together at night. There are so many reasons why, daily, I choose this job.

There are still times I think it would be nice to go to work for a break during the week, and who knows if one day I will. But I am finally growing up and into my current job role. It's not the easiest but I love it. So my advice to any new mom out there, whatever you decide to do (stay home or work) do something you love. Respect your husband and honor the job God has called him to do. Work together, help each other out and encourage one another...it will make your marriage stronger. And finally just take one day at a time. You will get it.

All grown up,
Lindsey

The Husband

I was quickly reminded this weekend of a couple things that have to do with my husband Chris. I don't know about you but whenever I am away from him, even if it is just for a day, my emotions become increasingly heightened. You see I was gone to Knoxville to help my sister out on Saturday and as I returned on Sunday my emotions and insecurities got the best of me. As I came home, I ended up getting into an argument with him over something STUPID!

But the Lord in His ultimate grace and mercy reminded me of somethings he taught me a long time ago. Here they are in case there is anyone else that needs to be reminded of them also.

1) We were created to be their helper, not their savior. Genesis 2:18 and 2:20b-25
2) We are suppose to take care of our husbands, children and our homes. We are also suppose to be kind and self-controlled.Titus 2:4-5
3) I don't want to be her...Proverbs 21:9 and her Proverbs 21:19

I also write important things down in the front of my Bible so that I can easily be reminded of them...as I was coming to the Lord on this matter this is what I found in the front of my Bible.

How to Respect Chris:
1) CHEER his successes.
2) PRAISE his commitment to taking care of us.
3) PRAISE his good decisions and MINIMIZE the poor choices.
4) DON'T undermine his authority in front of anyone.
5) THANK his insight and  advice.
6) NEVER Chris bash.
7) DON'T make him guess what I need, want or am thinking.
8) LET him know I like him.
9) DON'T try to CHANGE him to be like me.
10) HONOR his physical needs.

These hit me hard...like a ton of bricks. It's so easy for me to get into my day, my needs, my my my my. I forget that this life isn't about me but about Jesus and that way that I can serve him by serving the others around me. Including my husband. But, because he is the closest person to me on this earth I take more out on him than I need to. I am not going to lie... I am often that Proverbs wife above. Unfortunately I nag way to often and I am GREAT at starting arguments (especially over stupid stuff). But the one thing I do know is that I can change.
Another quote I have in the front of my Bible is this..
" How can I change to become more like Jesus and not try to change everyone to be like me?"

I love my husband for who he is. I want to respect him. I want to honor him. I want to remember the things above and live them out, not just read them. I understand that sometimes this is hard when I am wounded and feel like it is unfair, but a wise woman once shared with me that what happened to Jesus wasn't fair either but that didn't stop Him for sacrificing for us.

Thanks for letting me ramble, would love to hear your words of wisdom about marriage to if you would like to share them. And Chris... if you read this...I am sorry.

Humbled,
Lindsey

Something to Remember: For those that are married

I told you that I would always be honest...and today my honesty lands on the side of marriage verses the side of parenting.

I have had the privilege of being married to my amazing husband for 5 years. Please hear me out, I do not think 5 years is long enough to be an expert in anything, but I do think it's long enough to have a solid understanding of things. And today I have some more solid understanding on the covenant we call marriage.

When we say "I do" at the altar of marriage, we say I do for eternity. We walk into a solemn binding agreement between two parties that says, I am yours and you are mine. We are one, no longer two. But after marriage, for the most part, we continue living two lives in one household. He does his thing, she does her thing...and then at night they come together for dinner or date night and reconnect.

I have learned that this doesn't work, and hear often from other women, that they feel more like they have a roommate than a husband...and vice versa. I have experienced this in my own marriage, and it is the quickest way the enemy has come up with to get in between the two of us. And since we have had the baby it has been easy to fall into this same routine. He goes to work, I take care of the baby. He gets home we eat dinner together and then he watches TV and I usually read. Once a week we try and go on a date.

I realize that this may not seem all that bad to some of you...and maybe for you it's not. But I know for Chris and I we need more than that. We need more connection time.

Here are some of the things that I have realized in the past couple days:
1) I need to make more of an effort. By this I mean I need to pay more attention to the things that are important to him. Whether that be budgeting, office humor, future plans, goals or whatever...I need to be more invested in him and the things that make him tick.
2) I need to make him more aware of the things I do everyday. For me I feel like life is so mundane right now, because for the most part I change diapers, clean the house and cook. Yeah I play with Caroline, or we might go to the store or the gym. But for the most part I feel like it seems pretty boring to everyone else. But if Chris is going to "get" me, he needs to be invested in my day also and the little things I do.
3) We need to shut off the TV and put down the books and talk. I am not talking everyday, but more often than we do. This is important to reconnecting as date nights are. To talk about the things that are about us, Caroline and the things we don't usually have time to share.
4) We need to realized who our enemy is. And it's not each other. This weekend was a prime example. We were having one of our reality check arguments (this is where you realize the other one has issues with the you or vice versa that need to be dealt with) when we figured out that we were treating each other as our enemy and not our allies. By that I mean...we have an enemy that seriously wants to break up our marriage. He tries everyday to do that. EVERYDAY. So when I realize that he is the one causing all the problems, I begin to fight against him and not my husband. And my husband becomes my allie and not my enemy too. We fight the battle together, not at each other.
5) Everyone's love language is different and they express love and need love most likely different then you do. There is a great book called The 5 Love Languages, that teaches this concept. I need to remember that the way my husband gives and receives love is different than me. And to show him that I love him, I need to use his method and not my own. This clears up a lot of communication issues when done correctly and effectively. Because each person is getting his or her own needs met.
6) Being in covenant with another person, requires sacrifice. I have to give up things that I think are important for the sake of the relationship. And Chris has to give up things that he thinks are important for the sake of the relationship. This is so hard, because we are so selfish naturally.
7) Finally, God can work anything out and change any old habit. Plain and simple. So pray for your spouse continually. That means don't ever stop or let a day go bye that you don't pray for them. And if you can..pray together, this will bind you faster than anything else. We are a cord made up of three strands: God, him and I.
And a cord of three strands is not easily broken.

I know this is long...but I needed to be reminded. Hope it ministers to someone else too. If you have any other reminders leave them below for someone else.

Happily married to the most amazing man ever,
Lindsey
This pic below is us after a food fight Sunday after church. We laughed so hard at the mess we made but it was so fun! Some how I look like I got the worst of it :)

New Vows

I have told you a couple times now Chris and I are celebrating five years of marriage. It's so strange that it's been that long but also feels so short. How that happens I have no idea...but it is so true.

Our actual anniversary falls next week, June 4th. But our New York trip was part of the celebration of this year. I told you in a previous post (All Things New) that Chris and I decided to upgrade my ring as part of the deal also. (Man... I got it good, huh :)?) But after a few minor complications with a previous ring, Chris and I had to regroup. So needless to say I have been ring-less for a while now and have been anxiously anticipating the new one coming. I had no clue when I would get i,t but was thinking Chris just might wait till our anniversary to give it to me.

Either way we arrived in NYC Thursday night and got up bright eyed and bushy-tailed Friday morning ready to take on the city. We travel with two of our best buds so all four of us had come up with a jam packed itinerary for the long weekend. Everyday was filled to the brim with things to do and Friday was no exception. As we traveled into the city the subway dropped us off directly in front of the what use to be the towers at World Trade Center. I can't explain to you the feeling you get when you stare at the big hole in the ground and then slowly raise your head to look at the place where these enormously majestic buildings stood once before. I can't begin to fathom what it was like for the people of New York on that day, and was quickly brought to tears just thinking about it. We live in an incredible Country and if you ever take living here for granted, travel for a quick trip up to New York and visit this site...you will be reminded.

 place where the towers once were

the memorial

the fire department



As we spent the morning walking around the financial district and surveying the World Trade Center area we finally made our way to Wall Street (which was a huge point of interest for my financial husband).

Right at the beginning of this street stood the oldest church in America, Trinity Episcopal Church.

 Beauty doesn't even begin to describe it...breathtaking is more like it. So my love for old churches kicked in and I bolted toward the door eagerly wanting to get a gander at all its glory. So leaving our friends behind , Chris and I rushed in through the door ways and I began snapping away. Here is what we found...

 As I was turning every which way and taking picture after picture, I very vaguely remember hearing my husband quietly trying to get my attention. I honestly was too busy taking pictures to pay attention to what he was pointing out. I mean... I would get to him in a second. But as sweet as he is impatient, Chris finally bellowed out "Lindsey turn around!" As I did, Chris was holding a little box...and sarcasticly said "I am trying to give you your ring!"  (emphasis he added there)
 Oh my...wasn't expecting that! So he grabbed my hand and guided me over till we were sitting in a perfectly old wooden pew. I sat as he opened the box and took the ring out. And instead of just putting the ring on, Chris reminded me that I always did want to get married in an old church, so there in that wooden pew in front of nobody but God... we decided that the only people we needed to renew our vows was us. So we did.
 We both promised of course to love honor and obey...but we also promised other things this time around. To always stand by each other in making tough decisions, to raising our daughter together, being good parents, keeping each other first in our lives, taking care of each others needs before our own and to love and respect each other. Those are our new vows. It was a really sweet moment and one that I will never forget.

 Followed by utter panic. I had been wearing my original wedding band that we are saving for Caroline as a promise ring. So when I took it off in all the excitement, I was quickly unsure where I put it. Chris and I were all over the place looking for this special ring that I couldn't possibly have lost in 10 minutes of sitting in a wooden pew! Finally our friends came in and it looked like we were on a scavenger hunt as we searched for the ring. I found it of course already tucked into my purse (sometimes I am smarter than I look). Anyways, they snapped our wedding day picture of us, so hear you go.

We are standing to the right of our pew...



And then we were off to see the rest of NYC. That day we saw: financial district, China town, Little Italy and Central Park.
Here are just a few more of the pics from that day...

Wall Street had a plethora of things to see...

                                Chris was soaked up in the atmosphere.

 For all those Sex and the City groupies out there, this is where they filmed Aiden's Bar Scout

 Central Park in all it's beauty

 The newlyweds chillin on a park bench in central park

 Watching old guys place fast pitch soft ball from this table= hysterical and cool

 Just a moment between us<3

 We loved Central Park!

And nothing compares to the view of the city from our hotel...New York at night!

Well I hope you enjoyed getting a view of the city from our perspective! It was a special day :)

Hopelessly in love,

Lindsey

Making It Work

OK, for those of us out there who are married...this one is for you.

Chris, the husband, and I have have been married for 5 years this June. I can't believe that it has been 5 years, yet some days it feels like we have been married forever :). He truly is my best friend, and I feel honored that I get to spend my life with him.

I also think that he is a precious father. Watching him interact with Caroline has to be the sweetest thing in the whole world.

That being said, we have had a couple of off days and I am reminded at how much work is involved in this whole marriage thing. After 5 years, it sometimes feels like second nature doing the wife thing. I mean, he moves...I move, that sort of thing. But since the little sweetness came along, we have really had to work at our time together. It's so easy to make her the center of our universe and letting everything revolve around her. But, man can I tell a difference when we do. We argue more...we speak less...and we tend to become more like roomates sharing household duties rather than husband and wife.  (I promised you I would be honest)

That's not the way it is suppose to be. Chris has and always will be second in my life, only second to God that is. Caroline rounds out at 3rd. That's the only way that we can make it work. God, Chris, Caroline.

Since I stay at home with her, I can be a little exhausted when he gets home from work. Sometimes I have dinner made, sometimes I don't. Sometimes, I need to hand off Caroline to him so that I can take a five minute breather. After he gets home we: eat dinner, play, feed the baby, bathe her, cuddle her, feed her again and rock her to sleep...we are left with little time to just be us. He might have fallen asleep already on the couch, or I have headed off to take my shower finally. And after several days of that, we are more irritable with each other because we haven't met the needs of the other person, only the needs of the baby. It truly is a vicious cycle.

That's why you need date nights, and sometimes date days. Time where the baby is with a sitter and the two of you go do something together. It has to be a PRIORITY!! Chris and I were really good about this the first 4 months or so, but have let it slide here recently. No wonder we have been off. He needs to know that he is still #2 in my life, and I in his.

There is no other way to get around the fact that Caroline needs us, hand and foot right now. And really we have a ball with her. We laugh most evenings at how funny she is and marvel at how in love with her we are. But as much as I am in love with her...I am even more in love with her daddy.

Sometimes the best thing we can do as parents is make sure that the child sees what love looks like as man and wife. And sometimes love looks like saying no to the child and yes to your spouse. I pray Caroline grows up to see a healthy picture of this between her daddy and I.

So my question for you is, how do you make it work?
Madly in love,
Lindsey

Daddy Daze

I can't believe that I haven't posted about him before. Not sure what happened there... but let me start off by saying that he does read my blog, so hello honey. I love you and miss you. That being said, this blog is about you.

When we first became parents I have never seen my husband like that before. He was on cloud nine, and immediately switched into super husband and dad mode. But as most highs go, it was immediately followed by the exhaustion of the first couple months of Caroline's life. Please don't misunderstand...he still was super husband but reality began to sit in. Like I say time and time again, this gig is awesome but hard as all get out!

It was in those months that I would get frustrated with him and became a very negative person because of my exhaustion. I really, in my confused mind, didn't think he cared nor wanted to participate in this parenting thing. You see it seemed like every time I handed him Caroline, he would just sit with her. He wouldn't multi-task like me. If Caroline was in his arms...that's all he did. It made me so mad! (I imagine at this point Chris is sitting at his desk shaking his head in agreement :))

But I realized something last night (incredibly late in the process let me admit) about my husbands relationship with Caroline. I had the privilege of attending a memorial service of sweet friend of mines husband, who suddenly passed away last week. He left her and three children behind, the youngest a 3 year old little girl. As the service was taking place, my thoughts kept drifting towards my sweet husband who was at home with our little girl. And this is what I realized. The way he interacts with her is affecting some of the core beliefs she will have as a girl, adolescent, teenager, young woman, a wife and adult.

You see he is teaching her how she should be treated. He gives her his undivided attention. When she is in his arms, there is no one else in the world. He treats her like a princess.

He tells her things that really matter. Of course he  tells her she is beautiful, but he also tells her she is smart, funny and sweet all the time.

He is showing her protection in it's purest form. He would die for her. He would stand against anyone or anything to keep her safe.

He is showing her what kind of man to look for. One that treats her with respect, and adoration. One that values her above himself.

And most importantly he is helping her to have a beautiful relationship with her heavenly Father. The way that she views her earthly dad will translate into what she thinks about her Heavenly One. He is building and strengthening that relationship right now. I love that!

I have talked to so many first time moms and there is a lot of disappointment there in respect to how their spouses interact with their kids. I think it's because we don't really understand what their role is as a father. Chris is leaving a legacy with Caroline that goes far beyond him holding her on his hip while he does the dishes. Or WANTING to change a diaper verses me asking him too. And too be honest I would rather him do that then anything else. (Chris don't get any ideas...I still need your help :))

So to all you hard working moms out there, love on those dads so they will keep loving enthusiastically on our children. And then to the main dad in my life...
Chris, you are my best friend. You are the best dad I have ever seen. I love that you love Caroline the way you do. She is a better person for having you as a dad. Forgive me for my childish antics... Forgive me for not giving you room to be the dad you know how to be. I respect the fire out of you, and I can't wait to continue growing in this parent role with you. You balance me...and I will be forever grateful for that.

props to the dads out there,
Lindsey

The Zone: Balancing God, Baby, Marriage and Me

Well, as of Valentines Day, Chris is embarking on a new journey as he participates in his works biggest loser program. His goal is to lose 30 something pounds and to do so my dad recommended a new eating plan to help. (I don't like to use the word diet :))
This new plan is called The Zone. It's a simple (or seems) approach to losing weight where you balance your protein and carbohydrate intake. One for one. Chris and I have been grocery shopping and now we are trying to figure it out. Needless to say it has made me think...shouldn't we all be in "The Zone"?

As a new mom, life has it's moments of feeling completely out of balance. There are days where absolutely nothing gets done, and I am more exhausted than if I had run a marathon. There are days, where I am a powerhouse and get everything done. There are days when Chris and I are at each other because we are exhausted and then there are days where we are so on the same page it's stupid. There are days where I get to do a quiet time with the Lord... and then there are many days I am just uttering scriptures under my breath to keep my sanity. And then there is a day (few and far between) where I get to do something just for me...by myself. Whether that be a long warm bath, a quick shopping trip, or just some needed rest.

So as I laid in bed last night thinking, I need to do a Zone diet for my life. You know one for one. Balancing my time, balancing my emotions, balancing what goes in with what comes out. In this book, in the back, there is a section where it list poor choices and good choices for eating. Just like in life there are poor choices and good choices. So here are some of the ways I am going to try and start balancing life.

I like to watch TV: you know the good stuff like The Bachelor :) But I will go a whole day with out spending any time with God. That is out of balance. So I need to do a one for one... I need to balance what's going into my mind. I have time... I just have to make it. So if that means forgoing a TV show to read my Bible or pray~ it's worth it. I will feel better and in turn be better.

Chris and I have decided that a family bed is what works for us right now... so that being said Caroline sleeps between us. This is out of balance. So in turn we have to be intentional about our time together. Date nights, leaving her with our parents to go on a weekend getaway, putting her to bed early enough to spend some time together. This will make sure we don't lose us in the midst of her.

I stay home with Caroline, so I get no time for myself. It's a 24 hr job 7 days a week. This is out of balance. I need time for me. Time to just relax and rejuvenate. So I need to do some R&R. When Chris gets home, I can pass the baby off and go to the gym, go take a bath or go to Starbucks and read for a half hour. I will feel better and in turn be happier.

They are all one for ones and will make me and my life healthier. There are so many other ones that I need to do, but if I start with baby steps I am more likely to succeed. It's really simple to say the least... it's a matter of putting it into practice that takes some work. Life is all about balance. So, for me... I am ready to get in the zone.

Hopeful,
Lindsey

All things new

Today was a day filled with emotions.

Chris and I are coming up on our 5 year anniversary, and some how I have convinced him to get me a ring upgrade. I can't tell you how excited I am about this <3...>

But there was something else at the front of my mind as I caroused the jewelry store looking for just the right ring, a deep sadness. I mean my wedding ring has history to it. It has meaning behind it. It has my life wrapped in the Gold and the crevices of the diamond holds many of my tears... both good and bad. I dread taking it off for good.

There was a moment in our marriage where I took the ring off to symbolize my unwillingness to work on our marriage. I remember vividly what happened to Chris when he found it. I never want to feel that way again...so I keep the ring on all the time. Sleep, shower, working in the yard, swimming...you name it- the ring stays on.

So thinking of taking it off permanently scares me and makes me so sad. I want a new ring but I don't want to forget what my current ring represents. It represents love, endurance, patience, forgiveness, grace and mercy, hope and lots of work. I know that the new ring will find it's own history and memories in due time...and maybe it's time to wipe the slate clean.

Anyways...tomorrow it's gone and the new one is coming. I say goodbye to those 5 years and look forward to the next 25 years. I mean it's really not about the ring but about the amazing man who gave it to me 6 years ago. The man who still amazes me as he continues to choose me day after day.

Finally as I was getting ready to leave the store, I held my daughter close to me and told her that one day she would enter a store like this with her future husband. I explained to her how exciting it would be, and the love she would feel. I told her that soon after leaving the store, she would call me and tell me in detail about their experience. She then would wait for the day this young man would get down on his knee and ask her to be his wife.

I can't wait for that day... but that young man will have to go through Chris before he can marry our "sweetness".

So I leave you with my ring. I know that you don't know the half of what it has been through...but trust me it holds a lifetime inside it.

With tears of joy,

Lindsey