Controlling

Well...let's be honest, the word has a negative connotation to it. I mean who in their right mind wants to be known as a controlling person? I sure don't. But last night I came face to face with the fact that, I indeed, am as controlling as they come.

I don't know if I was in denial, or maybe just unaware of this characteristic. But, after my sweet husband uttered these fateful words, a thud of truth landed loudly in the deepest parts of my heart. I my sweet friends am what he says.

As I laid in bed last night (still stewing over his words I should add) I talked with the Lord about this matter. I mean is controlling really a bad thing? No one thinks negatively about being "passionate", it's a word people use often to praise themselves. But isn't controlling and passionate on an even playing field?

So let's just say I am passionate about having a clean house, and how to load the dishwasher because it makes unloading it so much easier and how Caroline gets ready for bed, and what she eats and doesn't eat. I am passionate about doing everything possible to keep her asleep in the mornings so we both can get a few extra zzz's. So, if that means my husband is making too much noise in the mornings, a little "sshhh" from me is warranted...right?

I hope you are laughing at me because I am laughing at myself. You might also be thinking "Your poor husband" and you would be correct in thinking so. You see it's all a little quite ridiculous. I got the sense that God was thinking the same thing when we were going over this list last night before bed.

I think the first step in getting out of the hole is recognizing your in one. So for that matter I am so thankful for the self-awareness. I DO NOT want to be controlling. But let me ask you this (I wish you could hear the sincerity of my heart) if I don't want to be controlling how do I stop?

 I do like the dishes put in the dishwasher a certain way because it's easier for me to unload them. I am the one who mostly loads and unloads them. So is asking someone to do something for you that makes your life easier a bad thing? This is where my sense fails me..because deep in my heart I welcome the help...I really do. I appreciate the times my husband does the dishes, cleans up or helps out with C. But why do I get so hung up on the things that he does or doesn't do that are different then the way I do them?

There is only one answer...stupidity. I should be grateful for his help. PERIOD! I shouldn't harp or nag because that reminds me of a proverb that I would love to have never read.
 ^" Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse." Proverbs 21:9 (the message)

Oh God, please help me to stop the nagging...to stop the controlling! It's not worth it....
And He so gently says to me....
"He (God) has showed you, O (wo)man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God… – Micah 6:8 (amp)

Yes Lord...I hear you. Kindness, mercy, humility...got it.
So all that to say, I am a work in progress.

Honey...if you read this, I love you and I am sorry. Please forgive me and trust that I am working on me. I am so thankful for all the help you give to me here at home.( And you do help.) You are one amazing man and I am so thankful to have married you!

Sigh~
Lindsey