Monday, September 26, 2011

All Grown Up

I would like to say this post is about C, but it's not. It's about me. If there is one thing that having a baby does for you it for sure would be, makes you grow up. No more of the selfish moments of doing whatever you want, whenever you want, without a thought or care about anything. This is absolutely, positively, not the case anymore. I am, for all intense purposes, growing up.

This year has been a year of ups and downs for our family as we grow into our new roles. It's like we are really figuring out who we are for the next phase of our lives. Chris has grown into the provider role as I quit work to stay home with our little one and I have grown into the mommy/house wife role. I would like to say these were easy transitions for us... but then I would be lying.

First of all going from two-incomes to one was quite a shock. All the frills of two incomes have, over the course of the year, moved out and some how we have acquired their in-laws stress and anxiety. It's not that we aren't "making it" we certainly are, but it's a lifestyle adjustment. And when you are people like us...that takes some getting use to. Because your wants don't always match up with your cans. Thankfully we are finally getting this concept and kicking out our unwelcome in-laws.

Chris now has taken on full financial responsibility of our home. I guess I was naive to the fact that this would be hard mentally on our person. But after many talks (and arguments) I am pulling off my blinders to see the BIG job he has in front of him. It honestly has taken me by surprise that I didn't see earlier how some of my comments could affect him. I have not helped as much as I should in encouraging him in this new role. He is sacrificing alot so that I can stay home with C, and I definitely could stand to appreciate that fact a little more.

And as for me in the mommy/housewife role...well let's just say it's a lot harder than it looks. I have spoken to so many new moms who struggle with the "Do I go back to work, or do I stay home?" question and I understand why so many of them do go back to work. Staying at home, day in and day out, is the toughest job I have ever had and you don't get paid for it. Staying home is emotionally, physically and mentally draining. There have been countless days where I have wondered to myself, "maybe I am just not cut out for this." And if taking care of the baby isn't enough add trying to keep your house clean and cook dinner. Oh and don't forget the fact you don't get a lunch break, bathroom break or get off work ever for that matter. So, it is the job that never ends.

BUT, it is the most rewarding job I ever had. I get to take care of my family. There aren't any bonuses or certificate of achievements, but I am showered often throughout the day with hugs and sweet kisses. I get to witness all of her firsts and seconds and thirds. I get to hold her when she is sick and laugh with her when she discovers something new. We have found new friends and learned that family is worth everything. I sometimes try new recipes and I have found a love for making baby things (bows, burp cloths, tutus, onesies, etc.) I also like Chris coming home to a hot meal waiting for him and all of us getting to eat together at night. There are so many reasons why, daily, I choose this job.

There are still times I think it would be nice to go to work for a break during the week, and who knows if one day I will. But I am finally growing up and into my current job role. It's not the easiest but I love it. So my advice to any new mom out there, whatever you decide to do (stay home or work) do something you love. Respect your husband and honor the job God has called him to do. Work together, help each other out and encourage one another...it will make your marriage stronger. And finally just take one day at a time. You will get it.

All grown up,
Lindsey

Thursday, September 15, 2011

A Birth Story

I went to the doctor that morning to get checked for my 39th week of pregnancy. I was dilated to a two and had been for several weeks. Like projected, my cervix wasn't softening. We knew this was a possibility and decided to go ahead with the c-section we had scheduled for the 16th of September. My doctor was really upbeat and made sure she told me to get some rest in the next couple days.

I left the office feeling extremely fat and really tired. But with the anxiety of the life change coming toward us at a rapid speed, the only thing I could do was shop. So off to target I went. Waddling my way through the baby aisles and picking up some last needed things for my hospital stay. I finally got a phone call from my sister informing me that she was in town and going to be at my house in ten minutes. So I waddled to my call and headed home.

My sister and I were giggling when we saw each other over the excitement. But at about 4pm I started having some cramping. (Men stop reading for a couple sentences) I went to the bathroom and saw some blood. I immediately panicked and called for my sister. She informed me that it was completely normal since I got checked by my doctor that morning. I accepted her answer since she has had two babies. But the cramping still came, and started creating its own patterns. If that's what you call every 8 minutes :).

Husband and mom got home about an hour later. The cramping became a little more intense but nothing terrible. My sister and mom told me I had nothing to worry about. I agreed since I knew that labor would be way more painful than this.

Chris and my sister went to go get dinner for us as my mom and I stayed back. The cramping was getting much closer, like 4 minutes apart. Mom started to get a little worried when at 7pm I had to get up from the table and went to the bathroom. As I hovered over with more than a pained expression, Chris walked into the room holding the phone and said "Its the hospital, they want to talk to you."

They were calling to give me the guidelines for the C section, but Chris had informed them of the cramping. I reviewed the last 3 hrs for them and they suggested I come in. Chris looked at me and said as I got off the phone "Honey are you sure? I mean if we go in, they are probably just going to send us home." I just looked at him...really? I replied back "I am not faking it honey."

So we got our stuff together and off we went to the hospital. I don't remember much about the car ride just a urgency feeling welling inside of me. Chris spent the drive calling family and close friends to update them and tell them it was probably nothing but to stay tuned.

We got to the hospital and had an obnoxious check in girl who wanted to talk to my husband about him getting her a job at Dave Ramsey. I finally interjected on their conversation in between contractions and asked if we could hurry the process up. They got us in our room and immediately the nurse wanted to check me. As we were talking in the room while and people were busing around me...the nurse exclaimed, "No wonder, you are dilated to a 6!"

What? You are kidding...a 6? Chris and I just looked at each other in amazement...we were getting our little girl tonight not tomorrow.

As the doctor buzzed in a quick 20 minutes later, we decided to go on with the C-section. Chris called our family and told them to hurry up and get there because she was coming and soon. And before we knew it I was getting rolled into the OR. Chris dressed in his gowns and me anticipating the surgery.


 15 minutes after entering the OR, after some tugging and pulling, Chris looked at me and said "This is it...here she comes!" And there she was...immediately changing everything about me.
 Caroline Leigh Campbell was born on September 15th, 2010 and 9:10pm. She weighed 7lbs and 9oz. and was 19 1/4 inches long. She was every bit of perfection I could have imagined... I have NEVER in my life felt anything like the love I instantly felt for her. Her dad and I both were immediately wrapped around her tiny little fingers.


I don't think, as I look back, that I could have imagined what this first year would be like. I don't think I realize just how fast it would go. I am so happy that I was chosen to be her mother, and could never thank God enough for this opportunity. I worry that in the coming years I won't be able to remember this year, her first, the way it runs through my mind now. I have loved every minuted of it...even the hard times, and would do it all over again just for the chance to hold her for the first time. To smell her sweet baby skin. To kiss those tiny fingers and toes. To love her with everything that I have.

Happy Birthday Caroline Leigh. You are the best thing that has ever happened to your daddy and I.

Love you,
Mommy

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Discipline

I am not sure that I anticipated this stage this early. To be honest I don't think I was completely ready for it. C turns one tomorrow, but she is already acting like she is two. This is proving to be way more difficult than I anticipated.

Last night I had some girlfriends over the house. This has happened several times over the past year where they come over, they love on C and we watch our favorite show. But now they come over, love on C and then watch me over and over try to direct my child away from the fire place, the movie cases, the picture frames, biting me and Lord forbid anyof the girls food or drink. It was the first time I felt embarassed as a mom as I watched their faces while I tried to discipline Caroline. I quickly fought back the tears and scooped up C and put her to bed.

I think it is easier to discipline a child who truly understands what you are trying to do. But here lately Caroline seems to be more excited to push the limits than adhere to them. I understand that she is suppose to do that, it's part of the deal. I just have had a hard time learning how to deal with this new child. I don't like having to tell her "No" so many times a day. I have chosen not to spank her because to be honest I don't think she understands it at this age and for me it just didn't feel right. (Plus with as much as she does something she shouldn't, I would be popping her all the time.) I also can't put her in time out...so what AM I suppose to do?

A good friend told me that I just need to be consistent with my method, try to redirect and praise her when she chooses to listen to me. So that's what I am doing. My method is to call her name and tell her "No Caroline, come back over here. Or, No Caroline get down from there." When that doesn't work I go and get her, get down on her level in my deep tone and tell her "I said No" and move her to a different place and redirect her attention. When she chooses to listen to me, I praise her. (Which happened once last night)

I am not going to lie...it's real hard. There are many times a day I almost break down because this process, I feel, is breaking me. I feel like the temper tantrums are many, and the sweet moments are few and far between. But I have hope, that eventually, this will pay off.

She has to learn and I have to learn. We are in a new stage. This will happen many more times over the course of her life even after she learns the word no. I just like to live in LaLa land a lot of the times and that Lala Land looks a lot like my time with Caroline at 5:45 this morning.

She woke up and was fussing in her crib. So I went to go in there to soothe her back to sleep. I don't really rock her anymore so I thought this might be a good opportunity to do so. So I scooped her up and off to rocking we went. She laid there still as a rail, looking at me with those beautiful eyes and holding my hand. It was quiet with just the sound of the rocker. It reminded me of this past year and all the moments I got to do that very thing, just hold her.

It was in that moment I knew that we could get through this. She loves me. I love her. She is just exploring her new world and I have to be there to teach her the good things for her and the unsafe things. She won't always like my boundaries for her and she won't always like me. But she will know I do it all because I love her. I just love her.

So today I choose to believe that we can do this. This year might be hard, but in the end we will both be better for it. Also, I found a good link for disciplining a one year old...if there is anybody else in the market for some good advice on this topic. :) http://life.familyeducation.com/baby/discipline/44249.html?page=2&detoured=1

Determined to be a better mom,
Lindsey

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Husband

I was quickly reminded this weekend of a couple things that have to do with my husband Chris. I don't know about you but whenever I am away from him, even if it is just for a day, my emotions become increasingly heightened. You see I was gone to Knoxville to help my sister out on Saturday and as I returned on Sunday my emotions and insecurities got the best of me. As I came home, I ended up getting into an argument with him over something STUPID!

But the Lord in His ultimate grace and mercy reminded me of somethings he taught me a long time ago. Here they are in case there is anyone else that needs to be reminded of them also.

1) We were created to be their helper, not their savior. Genesis 2:18 and 2:20b-25
2) We are suppose to take care of our husbands, children and our homes. We are also suppose to be kind and self-controlled.Titus 2:4-5
3) I don't want to be her...Proverbs 21:9 and her Proverbs 21:19

I also write important things down in the front of my Bible so that I can easily be reminded of them...as I was coming to the Lord on this matter this is what I found in the front of my Bible.

How to Respect Chris:
1) CHEER his successes.
2) PRAISE his commitment to taking care of us.
3) PRAISE his good decisions and MINIMIZE the poor choices.
4) DON'T undermine his authority in front of anyone.
5) THANK his insight and  advice.
6) NEVER Chris bash.
7) DON'T make him guess what I need, want or am thinking.
8) LET him know I like him.
9) DON'T try to CHANGE him to be like me.
10) HONOR his physical needs.

These hit me hard...like a ton of bricks. It's so easy for me to get into my day, my needs, my my my my. I forget that this life isn't about me but about Jesus and that way that I can serve him by serving the others around me. Including my husband. But, because he is the closest person to me on this earth I take more out on him than I need to. I am not going to lie... I am often that Proverbs wife above. Unfortunately I nag way to often and I am GREAT at starting arguments (especially over stupid stuff). But the one thing I do know is that I can change.
Another quote I have in the front of my Bible is this..
" How can I change to become more like Jesus and not try to change everyone to be like me?"

I love my husband for who he is. I want to respect him. I want to honor him. I want to remember the things above and live them out, not just read them. I understand that sometimes this is hard when I am wounded and feel like it is unfair, but a wise woman once shared with me that what happened to Jesus wasn't fair either but that didn't stop Him for sacrificing for us.

Thanks for letting me ramble, would love to hear your words of wisdom about marriage to if you would like to share them. And Chris... if you read this...I am sorry.

Humbled,
Lindsey