So... I have told you about this before.
Sleeping with Caroline has never been good. The minute I think we have "turned the corner" I am quickly reminded it was not a corner at all but more of a bend in the road.
I. am. tired.
I say this in the nicest way possible...if your child has always been a good sleeper, cheers! But mine has not. I have tried almost everything.
She has a routine.
She naps good.
She has cried it out and it does no good nor does it find her any consistency.
She goes to sleep awake.
She is 18 months old now and to be honest, I am thinking that she just might not be a good sleeper. This almost brings me to tears. When she does wake up in the middle of the night she sometimes is awake for 2 hrs or so (wide awake I might add.) Sometimes the easiest way for any of us to get any sleep at all is to do the things we shouldn't do...like rock her or give her a bottle.
Yes I cave...but trust me at 18 months you would too.
There are glimmers of hope I have. She is cutting her 2 year molars right now, so maybe just maybe, after we are done teething (just 2 more teeth left) she will sleep better. I also am going to try a slightly different bed time "thing". I will let you know if it works.
So, this is mostly just to vent. Right now I am letting C cry herself to sleep because she is just down right cranky...and I know my day will stink if she doesn't get some sleep. But, if you are reading this and you think you might have some advice (that doesn't make me feel like a terrible mother) share with me. I beg you, share with me.
Hoping for some rest,
Lindsey
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
I get to what?
Good morning...and I do mean good! All to often, I wake up feeling differently. Feeling as though my days are not really good, not really bad. Just working to get through another one. Another season. Another stage. (honesty)
But today it so happens, Caroline woke up early and was ready to nap by 8am this morning. So I laid her down and picked up my favorite book and Bible. These words I read:
"The sun climbs the horizon. I throw back the covers, take another breath and begin. I get to. I get to Live." (Ann Voscamp, One Thousand Gifts)
My mind flashes to fifteen minutes prior where my little girl climbed up into my lap, laid the palm of her hand on my face and giggled. A giggle which erupted out of nowhere. Out of thin air. Out of the breath the Lord gave her.
I get to Live.
I get to. She gets to. You get to.
It's as profound as it is simple. We make these days harder on ourselves than they are. (And believe me...these days are hard.) But we are here. We get to Live. We get to breathe. The world might feel like it's falling in around us...but we are here. Here to love on the ones closest to us. To giggle for no reason. To cry when something hurts. To speak up for those who can't speak up. We get to pray. We get to see God in our children. We get to walk out in the sunshine on beautiful spring days. We get to lay down and sleep at night...and wake up to a new day.
I know what it feels like to walk each day out, just trying to pass through. Ann Voscamp calls it the "walking dead". I do it so very often. But to really live, to really embrace each day for the gifts it holds is where I want to be. What I want to do. Even if those gifts come with challenges and pain. I just want to feel...to feel each and everything that comes our way is to Live.
Where I began journaling these wanderings in my journal this morning, was this verse: (I love how God does this)
Psalm 136:2-3, 26
Give thanks to the God of gods. Give thanks to the Lord of lords. Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever.
That's it right...a place to start living. Give thanks to God. Give thanks for this day and every day you have. Live them. Fully Live them. Be thankful for them.
I am not preaching to you, but with you. I don't want to waste another day just existing. I want to be fully here for C, for my husband, for my God and for you. Life may be challenging, difficult, hard at times...but each morning I wake with a new day (a new opportunity) to live. I have a choice.
And today...I am Going to Live life today...
But today it so happens, Caroline woke up early and was ready to nap by 8am this morning. So I laid her down and picked up my favorite book and Bible. These words I read:
"The sun climbs the horizon. I throw back the covers, take another breath and begin. I get to. I get to Live." (Ann Voscamp, One Thousand Gifts)
My mind flashes to fifteen minutes prior where my little girl climbed up into my lap, laid the palm of her hand on my face and giggled. A giggle which erupted out of nowhere. Out of thin air. Out of the breath the Lord gave her.
I get to Live.
I get to. She gets to. You get to.
It's as profound as it is simple. We make these days harder on ourselves than they are. (And believe me...these days are hard.) But we are here. We get to Live. We get to breathe. The world might feel like it's falling in around us...but we are here. Here to love on the ones closest to us. To giggle for no reason. To cry when something hurts. To speak up for those who can't speak up. We get to pray. We get to see God in our children. We get to walk out in the sunshine on beautiful spring days. We get to lay down and sleep at night...and wake up to a new day.
I know what it feels like to walk each day out, just trying to pass through. Ann Voscamp calls it the "walking dead". I do it so very often. But to really live, to really embrace each day for the gifts it holds is where I want to be. What I want to do. Even if those gifts come with challenges and pain. I just want to feel...to feel each and everything that comes our way is to Live.
Where I began journaling these wanderings in my journal this morning, was this verse: (I love how God does this)
Psalm 136:2-3, 26
Give thanks to the God of gods. Give thanks to the Lord of lords. Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever.
That's it right...a place to start living. Give thanks to God. Give thanks for this day and every day you have. Live them. Fully Live them. Be thankful for them.
I am not preaching to you, but with you. I don't want to waste another day just existing. I want to be fully here for C, for my husband, for my God and for you. Life may be challenging, difficult, hard at times...but each morning I wake with a new day (a new opportunity) to live. I have a choice.
And today...I am Going to Live life today...
(I hope you do too)
LindseyTuesday, March 27, 2012
A Review in Picures-18 months
Well...it's been a while since I have done this, and well it's just about time.
C turned 18 months back a couple weeks ago and I have been picking up my camera here and there just to snap some pics. So here she is at 18 months and some of my favorite pics of the last six months.
Enjoy
C turned 18 months back a couple weeks ago and I have been picking up my camera here and there just to snap some pics. So here she is at 18 months and some of my favorite pics of the last six months.
Enjoy
My momma thinks I am the prettiest!
huh? What did you say mom?
I love things that are soft <3
Yeah!! Spring is here :)
Sweet...
Sweeter!
I am just so happy!
I love you mommy...
I love trodding around the house in daddy's shoes!
I love my daddy and dog (I call him bubba)
My mom loves my curls...and I love my books
Seriously, could she be any cuter?
Puckering up with my daddy!
Happy,
Lindsey
Monday, March 26, 2012
Message Monday
I am slightly obsessed with Eugene Peterson's rendition of the Bible, called The Message. I love the way the words are written as if it were just a conversation between us and the Lord. I find myself often challenged by the simplicity of it, the ease of the words find more power for me.
So I am starting Message Monday, where I share with you passages of The Message that I am currently learning from. I have been toiling now in the "Beatitudes" and I love the beauty of them this morning. Drink of the words...let them fill the cravings you have with the substance of Him.
3"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
4"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
5"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
6"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
7"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.
8"You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
9"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.
10"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.
11-12"Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.
That, my dears, is what it means to be blessed. (Much different than what the world defines it as)
I am blessed,
Lindsey
So I am starting Message Monday, where I share with you passages of The Message that I am currently learning from. I have been toiling now in the "Beatitudes" and I love the beauty of them this morning. Drink of the words...let them fill the cravings you have with the substance of Him.
Matthew 5
You're Blessed
1-2 When Jesus saw his ministry drawing huge crowds, he climbed a hillside. Those who were apprenticed to him, the committed, climbed with him. Arriving at a quiet place, he sat down and taught his climbing companions. This is what he said:3"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
4"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
5"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
6"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
7"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.
8"You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
9"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.
10"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.
11-12"Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.
That, my dears, is what it means to be blessed. (Much different than what the world defines it as)
I am blessed,
Lindsey
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Birthday Post-31 Reasons
So tomorrow I turn 31. Yep. 31...
It's funny, this is the first year I feel "older". There is just something about saying I am 31 that sounds older. I don't know...just does.
Anyways. In honor of 31 years of life, thought I would list 31 reasons I love my life. So here it goes:
1) I am still here. Looking back on some troublesome years (18-24), part of me thinks I defied some odds because there are multiple times I could say "I should have died doing that!" or "That really was not smart!" Either way, the Lord saw it fit to keep me here and I am so glad he did. I am thankful for each day I get.
2) My Husband. If you want to know why I love him so much, go here . It's just a snippet of the man I get to spend my life with.
3) My amazing daughter Caroline. If you don't already know why I love her so much...just read some of the posts on this blog.
4) I have an amazing family. All though we are far from perfect.. I love my mom, dad and sister. They are loving, caring and supportive. Not to mention each of them picked some fantastic additions to my family: my step-mom Karen, step-dad Gary and future BIL David.
5) My nieces... Maddie and Hadley. I love them so.
6) My extended family. I have awesome Grand Parents In Law that I love and that love the Lord. I have an amazing MIL that is one of the most thoughtful ladies ever. Awesome aunts and uncles I adore. A SIL that I love spending time with...all of them are wonderful and I am so thankful for.
7) My health. I have been relatively healthy my whole life and I don't take it for granted. I am still in good shape and plan to stay that way until I really am old and gray! God willing!
8) I get to stay home with my little girl each day. I don't have to miss a second of her growing up...and I am so thankful for that.
9) I love my home. It is little, sweet and homey. It has a roof and a warm bed for me to sleep in at night. It's perfect for us.
10) I have the greatest dog Zeus who has been a companion of mine for 10 years. He is still going strong, protects our home and he loves my little girl.
11) I love my friends. God has blessed me with some amazing girl friends to walk this life with. Although they have come along later in my life, I am a better person because of them. They have shown me what true friendship looks like and I look forward to growing old with each of them.
12) Church. I just love the place.
13) I love my story. It's ugly, messy, embarrassing and beautiful. It shows that there really is a God who really does extend grace and really does work miracles. If you knew me B.C. (Before Christ) you know this is true.
14) I get to live in America. This might sound cheesy and or stuck up, but since none of us got to choose where we were born...I am glad I was born here in the land of the free. I get to believe what I want, say what I want (for the most part) and write what I want. It's a good place to live.
15) I love being able to travel each year with my husband.
16) We have a job that provides for our family. I am so thankful for Dave Ramsey for taking care of his employees and that he hired my husband.
17) We have cars to take us places. It would be miserable to have to walk with a baby everywhere..right?
18) I love that I have time to do things I love to do....like read. I love to read.
19) I love that I have a group of moms to share this mom experience with each week. They really have become such a part of my life and helped me in this transition season.
20) I love living where I do...it finally feels like home.
21) I love being able to mentor a college girl who reminds me so much of myself. It's a way for me to help her make different choices than I made.
22) I love that I don't stop changing. My life never stops changing and I hope I never stop either. 30 years from now I want to be way wiser, more compassionate and a fierce lover of people.
23) I love my sister. I know I said it earlier...but she deserves her own spot. I love her so.
24) I love the Bible and the fact I get to read it everyday. It's a privilege.
25) I love being creative and crafty. I love being able to plan events or sew pretty little things for friends. I love that God made me this way.
26) I love that my husband gives me "off mommy-duty" time to just go and be me.
27) I love the beach and getting to go with our best buddies every year. It is something that I look forward to.
28) I love that God freed me from worrying about what everyone else thinks of me.
29) I love being a mom. It's the best job God could have chosen for me.
30) I love me. I can finally say it, I love the person I have become.
31) Jesus has made this life worth living. He above all else is the main reason I love my life...because He loves me.
Whew that was hard...but it was a good exercise in gratefulness. You see, it's in the remembering that I become grateful for where I have been and begin looking forward to where I am going. So here's to the next 31 years, or however many years the Lord allows.
31,
Lindsey
It's funny, this is the first year I feel "older". There is just something about saying I am 31 that sounds older. I don't know...just does.
Anyways. In honor of 31 years of life, thought I would list 31 reasons I love my life. So here it goes:
1) I am still here. Looking back on some troublesome years (18-24), part of me thinks I defied some odds because there are multiple times I could say "I should have died doing that!" or "That really was not smart!" Either way, the Lord saw it fit to keep me here and I am so glad he did. I am thankful for each day I get.
2) My Husband. If you want to know why I love him so much, go here . It's just a snippet of the man I get to spend my life with.
3) My amazing daughter Caroline. If you don't already know why I love her so much...just read some of the posts on this blog.
4) I have an amazing family. All though we are far from perfect.. I love my mom, dad and sister. They are loving, caring and supportive. Not to mention each of them picked some fantastic additions to my family: my step-mom Karen, step-dad Gary and future BIL David.
5) My nieces... Maddie and Hadley. I love them so.
6) My extended family. I have awesome Grand Parents In Law that I love and that love the Lord. I have an amazing MIL that is one of the most thoughtful ladies ever. Awesome aunts and uncles I adore. A SIL that I love spending time with...all of them are wonderful and I am so thankful for.
7) My health. I have been relatively healthy my whole life and I don't take it for granted. I am still in good shape and plan to stay that way until I really am old and gray! God willing!
8) I get to stay home with my little girl each day. I don't have to miss a second of her growing up...and I am so thankful for that.
9) I love my home. It is little, sweet and homey. It has a roof and a warm bed for me to sleep in at night. It's perfect for us.
10) I have the greatest dog Zeus who has been a companion of mine for 10 years. He is still going strong, protects our home and he loves my little girl.
11) I love my friends. God has blessed me with some amazing girl friends to walk this life with. Although they have come along later in my life, I am a better person because of them. They have shown me what true friendship looks like and I look forward to growing old with each of them.
12) Church. I just love the place.
13) I love my story. It's ugly, messy, embarrassing and beautiful. It shows that there really is a God who really does extend grace and really does work miracles. If you knew me B.C. (Before Christ) you know this is true.
14) I get to live in America. This might sound cheesy and or stuck up, but since none of us got to choose where we were born...I am glad I was born here in the land of the free. I get to believe what I want, say what I want (for the most part) and write what I want. It's a good place to live.
15) I love being able to travel each year with my husband.
16) We have a job that provides for our family. I am so thankful for Dave Ramsey for taking care of his employees and that he hired my husband.
17) We have cars to take us places. It would be miserable to have to walk with a baby everywhere..right?
18) I love that I have time to do things I love to do....like read. I love to read.
19) I love that I have a group of moms to share this mom experience with each week. They really have become such a part of my life and helped me in this transition season.
20) I love living where I do...it finally feels like home.
21) I love being able to mentor a college girl who reminds me so much of myself. It's a way for me to help her make different choices than I made.
22) I love that I don't stop changing. My life never stops changing and I hope I never stop either. 30 years from now I want to be way wiser, more compassionate and a fierce lover of people.
23) I love my sister. I know I said it earlier...but she deserves her own spot. I love her so.
24) I love the Bible and the fact I get to read it everyday. It's a privilege.
25) I love being creative and crafty. I love being able to plan events or sew pretty little things for friends. I love that God made me this way.
26) I love that my husband gives me "off mommy-duty" time to just go and be me.
27) I love the beach and getting to go with our best buddies every year. It is something that I look forward to.
28) I love that God freed me from worrying about what everyone else thinks of me.
29) I love being a mom. It's the best job God could have chosen for me.
30) I love me. I can finally say it, I love the person I have become.
31) Jesus has made this life worth living. He above all else is the main reason I love my life...because He loves me.
Whew that was hard...but it was a good exercise in gratefulness. You see, it's in the remembering that I become grateful for where I have been and begin looking forward to where I am going. So here's to the next 31 years, or however many years the Lord allows.
31,
Lindsey
Friday, March 16, 2012
Truth
I write this as I am finishing drying tears from my face.
Do you ever read things that just ring truer than true in your heart. Where it almost startles you as emotion begins to heave the sighs of truth from the center of your heart. That drum starts beating and you can feel the heat rise behind your cheeks...it's there. The Truth.
I share with you what it was that sent tears streaking down my cheeks a few sentences is.
Read it. Hear it. See the Truth.
Let it change you.
Do you ever read things that just ring truer than true in your heart. Where it almost startles you as emotion begins to heave the sighs of truth from the center of your heart. That drum starts beating and you can feel the heat rise behind your cheeks...it's there. The Truth.
I share with you what it was that sent tears streaking down my cheeks a few sentences is.
Read it. Hear it. See the Truth.
Let it change you.
The Importance of Being the Prodigal Parent
I don’t know who said you couldn’t, but they were dead wrong.
You could be death wish over a toilet, a flagrant sinner over a credit card, a Pharisee over a pulpit, and it doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter a hill of beans.
And it’s a hill I’d die on, because that’s exactly why a Carpenter really did:
Whoever you are, wherever you’ve been, whatever you’ve done and whatever story you own — you can always come home again.
Read the rest of it here...
A Prodigal Parent,
Lindsey
You could be death wish over a toilet, a flagrant sinner over a credit card, a Pharisee over a pulpit, and it doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter a hill of beans.
And it’s a hill I’d die on, because that’s exactly why a Carpenter really did:
Whoever you are, wherever you’ve been, whatever you’ve done and whatever story you own — you can always come home again.
Read the rest of it here...
A Prodigal Parent,
Lindsey
Thursday, March 8, 2012
A New Way to Pray
I have written a couple blogs before on praying for your child, or prayers I have prayed for C. But to be honest I have not fully mastered exactly how to pray for my sweet one.
What's even worse I have failed so often to daily pray for her and my husband out of my own self-pity stage. I have rambled on and on about me, my needs, my problems...but stop there. My sweet Father has gently been reminding me that I NEED to be praying for them (husband and daughter) I NEED to be interceding (BIG Christian word) for them.
As I read my Bible I see Paul and the other Apostles say things like "I have not stopped giving THANKS for you, remembering you in my prayers." Ephesians 1:16
"We always thank God the Father when we pray for you." Colossians 1:3
"We CONSTANTLY pray for you" 2 Thessalonians 1:11
We love well when we pray for one another. I am never loving my family more than when I pray for them. But how often I fail at this.
It's because I bite off more than I can chew. I feel as though I have to get everything in every time I pray. I have to pray for our marriage and Caroline's future spouse. I need to pray for their walk with the Lord. I have to pray for work and work ethic. I have to pray for their mind and thought life. I have to pray for their relationships. I have to pray for their faith.
So much to pray for. So much.
So I have decided that I am going to pray a new way. I will pray for all these things but break them down over the course of the week. Each day I will pray for a specific thing listed above. I will start with thankfulness as that seemed to be a running theme Paul kept bringing up. Just to praise the Lord for putting these 2 extraordinary people in my lives. To praise them for their uniqueness. Praise Him for allowing me to be in their lives.
Then from there, Monday through Saturday, I will pray for a different facet of their lives. Just a little bit each day. Less of me...more of them. More of Him.
I journal my prayers...it helps me to stay focused. I can look back and see where prayers have been answered where tears have stained the sheets of paper. I love having these treasures. One day when I am gone my sweet daughter will have them to remember me by. She will know my heart for her and the cries of my heart for her life. I hope she will treasure them too.
embarking on a new journey,
Lindsey
What's even worse I have failed so often to daily pray for her and my husband out of my own self-pity stage. I have rambled on and on about me, my needs, my problems...but stop there. My sweet Father has gently been reminding me that I NEED to be praying for them (husband and daughter) I NEED to be interceding (BIG Christian word) for them.
As I read my Bible I see Paul and the other Apostles say things like "I have not stopped giving THANKS for you, remembering you in my prayers." Ephesians 1:16
"We always thank God the Father when we pray for you." Colossians 1:3
"We CONSTANTLY pray for you" 2 Thessalonians 1:11
We love well when we pray for one another. I am never loving my family more than when I pray for them. But how often I fail at this.
It's because I bite off more than I can chew. I feel as though I have to get everything in every time I pray. I have to pray for our marriage and Caroline's future spouse. I need to pray for their walk with the Lord. I have to pray for work and work ethic. I have to pray for their mind and thought life. I have to pray for their relationships. I have to pray for their faith.
So much to pray for. So much.
So I have decided that I am going to pray a new way. I will pray for all these things but break them down over the course of the week. Each day I will pray for a specific thing listed above. I will start with thankfulness as that seemed to be a running theme Paul kept bringing up. Just to praise the Lord for putting these 2 extraordinary people in my lives. To praise them for their uniqueness. Praise Him for allowing me to be in their lives.
Then from there, Monday through Saturday, I will pray for a different facet of their lives. Just a little bit each day. Less of me...more of them. More of Him.
I journal my prayers...it helps me to stay focused. I can look back and see where prayers have been answered where tears have stained the sheets of paper. I love having these treasures. One day when I am gone my sweet daughter will have them to remember me by. She will know my heart for her and the cries of my heart for her life. I hope she will treasure them too.
embarking on a new journey,
Lindsey
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Controlling
Well...let's be honest, the word has a negative connotation to it. I mean who in their right mind wants to be known as a controlling person? I sure don't. But last night I came face to face with the fact that, I indeed, am as controlling as they come.
I don't know if I was in denial, or maybe just unaware of this characteristic. But, after my sweet husband uttered these fateful words, a thud of truth landed loudly in the deepest parts of my heart. I my sweet friends am what he says.
As I laid in bed last night (still stewing over his words I should add) I talked with the Lord about this matter. I mean is controlling really a bad thing? No one thinks negatively about being "passionate", it's a word people use often to praise themselves. But isn't controlling and passionate on an even playing field?
So let's just say I am passionate about having a clean house, and how to load the dishwasher because it makes unloading it so much easier and how Caroline gets ready for bed, and what she eats and doesn't eat. I am passionate about doing everything possible to keep her asleep in the mornings so we both can get a few extra zzz's. So, if that means my husband is making too much noise in the mornings, a little "sshhh" from me is warranted...right?
I hope you are laughing at me because I am laughing at myself. You might also be thinking "Your poor husband" and you would be correct in thinking so. You see it's all a little quite ridiculous. I got the sense that God was thinking the same thing when we were going over this list last night before bed.
I think the first step in getting out of the hole is recognizing your in one. So for that matter I am so thankful for the self-awareness. I DO NOT want to be controlling. But let me ask you this (I wish you could hear the sincerity of my heart) if I don't want to be controlling how do I stop?
I do like the dishes put in the dishwasher a certain way because it's easier for me to unload them. I am the one who mostly loads and unloads them. So is asking someone to do something for you that makes your life easier a bad thing? This is where my sense fails me..because deep in my heart I welcome the help...I really do. I appreciate the times my husband does the dishes, cleans up or helps out with C. But why do I get so hung up on the things that he does or doesn't do that are different then the way I do them?
There is only one answer...stupidity. I should be grateful for his help. PERIOD! I shouldn't harp or nag because that reminds me of a proverb that I would love to have never read.
" Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse." Proverbs 21:9 (the message)
Oh God, please help me to stop the nagging...to stop the controlling! It's not worth it....
And He so gently says to me....
"He (God) has showed you, O (wo)man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God… – Micah 6:8 (amp)
Yes Lord...I hear you. Kindness, mercy, humility...got it.
So all that to say, I am a work in progress.
Honey...if you read this, I love you and I am sorry. Please forgive me and trust that I am working on me. I am so thankful for all the help you give to me here at home.( And you do help.) You are one amazing man and I am so thankful to have married you!
Sigh~
Lindsey
I don't know if I was in denial, or maybe just unaware of this characteristic. But, after my sweet husband uttered these fateful words, a thud of truth landed loudly in the deepest parts of my heart. I my sweet friends am what he says.
As I laid in bed last night (still stewing over his words I should add) I talked with the Lord about this matter. I mean is controlling really a bad thing? No one thinks negatively about being "passionate", it's a word people use often to praise themselves. But isn't controlling and passionate on an even playing field?
So let's just say I am passionate about having a clean house, and how to load the dishwasher because it makes unloading it so much easier and how Caroline gets ready for bed, and what she eats and doesn't eat. I am passionate about doing everything possible to keep her asleep in the mornings so we both can get a few extra zzz's. So, if that means my husband is making too much noise in the mornings, a little "sshhh" from me is warranted...right?
I hope you are laughing at me because I am laughing at myself. You might also be thinking "Your poor husband" and you would be correct in thinking so. You see it's all a little quite ridiculous. I got the sense that God was thinking the same thing when we were going over this list last night before bed.
I think the first step in getting out of the hole is recognizing your in one. So for that matter I am so thankful for the self-awareness. I DO NOT want to be controlling. But let me ask you this (I wish you could hear the sincerity of my heart) if I don't want to be controlling how do I stop?
I do like the dishes put in the dishwasher a certain way because it's easier for me to unload them. I am the one who mostly loads and unloads them. So is asking someone to do something for you that makes your life easier a bad thing? This is where my sense fails me..because deep in my heart I welcome the help...I really do. I appreciate the times my husband does the dishes, cleans up or helps out with C. But why do I get so hung up on the things that he does or doesn't do that are different then the way I do them?
There is only one answer...stupidity. I should be grateful for his help. PERIOD! I shouldn't harp or nag because that reminds me of a proverb that I would love to have never read.
" Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse." Proverbs 21:9 (the message)
Oh God, please help me to stop the nagging...to stop the controlling! It's not worth it....
And He so gently says to me....
"He (God) has showed you, O (wo)man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God… – Micah 6:8 (amp)
Yes Lord...I hear you. Kindness, mercy, humility...got it.
So all that to say, I am a work in progress.
Honey...if you read this, I love you and I am sorry. Please forgive me and trust that I am working on me. I am so thankful for all the help you give to me here at home.( And you do help.) You are one amazing man and I am so thankful to have married you!
Sigh~
Lindsey
Sunday, March 4, 2012
100th POST!
Well today is my 100th post! I just can't believe it...100 times I have shared my life with you. 100 times I have poured my innermost thoughts out not knowing how they would be received. 100 times I let you in hoping that there was someone out there who could benefit from my experiences.
So today I want to share a milestones with you and some of my favorite posts! I hope you enjoy :)
First of all... I have been accepted as a blogger on TopMommyBlogs.com you can go there and vote for my blog (Exhausted Mom) so we can hit #1 faster than any other new blog! You can look for me under the header of "Newest Blogs" or "Stay at Homes". (There are also some other great blogs on there to learn from too.)
Second of all... here are my top 3 favorite blog post I have written.
1) A birth Story.
2) Daddy Daze
3) Speaking Encouraging Words
These to me are the funniest and sweetest.
1) I love Blueberries!
2) A Royal Wedding
3) There's a First For Everything
Anyways...here's to the first 100 and to 100 more!
So today I want to share a milestones with you and some of my favorite posts! I hope you enjoy :)
First of all... I have been accepted as a blogger on TopMommyBlogs.com you can go there and vote for my blog (Exhausted Mom) so we can hit #1 faster than any other new blog! You can look for me under the header of "Newest Blogs" or "Stay at Homes". (There are also some other great blogs on there to learn from too.)
Second of all... here are my top 3 favorite blog post I have written.
1) A birth Story.
2) Daddy Daze
3) Speaking Encouraging Words
These to me are the funniest and sweetest.
1) I love Blueberries!
2) A Royal Wedding
3) There's a First For Everything
Anyways...here's to the first 100 and to 100 more!
Excited,
Lindsey
Friday, March 2, 2012
Fear Based Parenting
First let me say... I am so thankful for the small group of women that pour into my life and help me up out of the pit when I am so desperately making my bed in the mud and mire. I am beyond grateful for their wisdom, help and sincerity. This is not about them but about me, and my journey in motherhood.
I realized something huge (HUGE) today that I need to share. I, my dear friends, have been parenting ( or lack there of) out of fear. I have been so scared of the little person C is becoming that I truly have been scared into doing nothing. I don't know how to parent a strong willed child, so I have let her rule this house. I have let her climb, throw, hit (don't judge) and even bite me sometimes with out any recant from me. I just didn't know what to do...and when I don't know what to do in life I revert into the coward I can be.
But, and I do mean but, not anymore (God willing). Today I choose to stop parenting out of fear and choose to parent out of faith. I choose to love her enough to tell her no, to get up and go to her and not shout from the other side of the room. I choose to put her in time out and do it again and again until she gets it. I choose to be active in this role and not passive. I choose to love her by disciplining her out of that love and not out of the sheer frustration I feel so much of the time. I choose to be the parent.
This might seem like a "well duh" moment for you, but not for me. I truly am not sure what to do at times, this being my first go-round. I want my daughter to grow up with confidence in our love for her and thus use her strong will for good and not bad. I want her to grow up with confidence in herself and how God made her and thus use that confidence to help others and not just herself. I want her to grow up believing in the leader God has made her to be ( I know she will be) to make wise choices instead of ones that will lead her down a destructive path. I want more for her. I simply want her to love God, us and others well.
I can only teach her these things by doing them first. So by faith I trust that God is working out of me the "people pleaser" that I am and the hope that you will all think my daughter is the cutest, sweetest thing ever. Because you won't. I give up worrying that you might think I am a bad parent because I choose to spank or not to spank. I don't care what you think. I am doing what I think is best for us. I choose to not pay attention to the looks you give me when my daughter (who is a full blown independent toddler) bucks me and throws a fit in front of you. She will do it and I will do my best to handle it respectively.
For all the moms out there who are trying to find your way, like me, choose to engage your child and raise them not out of fear but out of confidence in your role. Out of all the parents God could have chosen for my sweet little girl, he choose me. He obviously thinks I have what it takes to be the best parent for her. He. HE. HE! No one else but Him, really matters. So if He thought it good...then it's good I am Caroline's mom. I choose to move from fear based parenting to faith in HIM parenting.
This is for me today,
Lindsey
I realized something huge (HUGE) today that I need to share. I, my dear friends, have been parenting ( or lack there of) out of fear. I have been so scared of the little person C is becoming that I truly have been scared into doing nothing. I don't know how to parent a strong willed child, so I have let her rule this house. I have let her climb, throw, hit (don't judge) and even bite me sometimes with out any recant from me. I just didn't know what to do...and when I don't know what to do in life I revert into the coward I can be.
But, and I do mean but, not anymore (God willing). Today I choose to stop parenting out of fear and choose to parent out of faith. I choose to love her enough to tell her no, to get up and go to her and not shout from the other side of the room. I choose to put her in time out and do it again and again until she gets it. I choose to be active in this role and not passive. I choose to love her by disciplining her out of that love and not out of the sheer frustration I feel so much of the time. I choose to be the parent.
This might seem like a "well duh" moment for you, but not for me. I truly am not sure what to do at times, this being my first go-round. I want my daughter to grow up with confidence in our love for her and thus use her strong will for good and not bad. I want her to grow up with confidence in herself and how God made her and thus use that confidence to help others and not just herself. I want her to grow up believing in the leader God has made her to be ( I know she will be) to make wise choices instead of ones that will lead her down a destructive path. I want more for her. I simply want her to love God, us and others well.
I can only teach her these things by doing them first. So by faith I trust that God is working out of me the "people pleaser" that I am and the hope that you will all think my daughter is the cutest, sweetest thing ever. Because you won't. I give up worrying that you might think I am a bad parent because I choose to spank or not to spank. I don't care what you think. I am doing what I think is best for us. I choose to not pay attention to the looks you give me when my daughter (who is a full blown independent toddler) bucks me and throws a fit in front of you. She will do it and I will do my best to handle it respectively.
For all the moms out there who are trying to find your way, like me, choose to engage your child and raise them not out of fear but out of confidence in your role. Out of all the parents God could have chosen for my sweet little girl, he choose me. He obviously thinks I have what it takes to be the best parent for her. He. HE. HE! No one else but Him, really matters. So if He thought it good...then it's good I am Caroline's mom. I choose to move from fear based parenting to faith in HIM parenting.
This is for me today,
Lindsey
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