Something to Remember: For those that are married

I told you that I would always be honest...and today my honesty lands on the side of marriage verses the side of parenting.

I have had the privilege of being married to my amazing husband for 5 years. Please hear me out, I do not think 5 years is long enough to be an expert in anything, but I do think it's long enough to have a solid understanding of things. And today I have some more solid understanding on the covenant we call marriage.

When we say "I do" at the altar of marriage, we say I do for eternity. We walk into a solemn binding agreement between two parties that says, I am yours and you are mine. We are one, no longer two. But after marriage, for the most part, we continue living two lives in one household. He does his thing, she does her thing...and then at night they come together for dinner or date night and reconnect.

I have learned that this doesn't work, and hear often from other women, that they feel more like they have a roommate than a husband...and vice versa. I have experienced this in my own marriage, and it is the quickest way the enemy has come up with to get in between the two of us. And since we have had the baby it has been easy to fall into this same routine. He goes to work, I take care of the baby. He gets home we eat dinner together and then he watches TV and I usually read. Once a week we try and go on a date.

I realize that this may not seem all that bad to some of you...and maybe for you it's not. But I know for Chris and I we need more than that. We need more connection time.

Here are some of the things that I have realized in the past couple days:
1) I need to make more of an effort. By this I mean I need to pay more attention to the things that are important to him. Whether that be budgeting, office humor, future plans, goals or whatever...I need to be more invested in him and the things that make him tick.
2) I need to make him more aware of the things I do everyday. For me I feel like life is so mundane right now, because for the most part I change diapers, clean the house and cook. Yeah I play with Caroline, or we might go to the store or the gym. But for the most part I feel like it seems pretty boring to everyone else. But if Chris is going to "get" me, he needs to be invested in my day also and the little things I do.
3) We need to shut off the TV and put down the books and talk. I am not talking everyday, but more often than we do. This is important to reconnecting as date nights are. To talk about the things that are about us, Caroline and the things we don't usually have time to share.
4) We need to realized who our enemy is. And it's not each other. This weekend was a prime example. We were having one of our reality check arguments (this is where you realize the other one has issues with the you or vice versa that need to be dealt with) when we figured out that we were treating each other as our enemy and not our allies. By that I mean...we have an enemy that seriously wants to break up our marriage. He tries everyday to do that. EVERYDAY. So when I realize that he is the one causing all the problems, I begin to fight against him and not my husband. And my husband becomes my allie and not my enemy too. We fight the battle together, not at each other.
5) Everyone's love language is different and they express love and need love most likely different then you do. There is a great book called The 5 Love Languages, that teaches this concept. I need to remember that the way my husband gives and receives love is different than me. And to show him that I love him, I need to use his method and not my own. This clears up a lot of communication issues when done correctly and effectively. Because each person is getting his or her own needs met.
6) Being in covenant with another person, requires sacrifice. I have to give up things that I think are important for the sake of the relationship. And Chris has to give up things that he thinks are important for the sake of the relationship. This is so hard, because we are so selfish naturally.
7) Finally, God can work anything out and change any old habit. Plain and simple. So pray for your spouse continually. That means don't ever stop or let a day go bye that you don't pray for them. And if you can..pray together, this will bind you faster than anything else. We are a cord made up of three strands: God, him and I.
And a cord of three strands is not easily broken.

I know this is long...but I needed to be reminded. Hope it ministers to someone else too. If you have any other reminders leave them below for someone else.

Happily married to the most amazing man ever,
Lindsey
This pic below is us after a food fight Sunday after church. We laughed so hard at the mess we made but it was so fun! Some how I look like I got the worst of it :)