Man am I glad August is almost over...A Bad Month In Review Part 1

A friend of mine today posted on Facebook "SO, August sucked...September anyone??"...to be honest, I had to say an Amen! August has flat out been a terrible month. (And I am not even exaggerating)

I have been putting off this post for a while now because, to be honest, I just didn't want to talk about it. It has been emotionally, physically and financially draining. As my husband said this evening, it has been one expensive month. So I bet your wondering what all happened... I guess I will tell you.

On August 2nd morning, a good friend of mine dropped off her little girl for me to watch the next couple weeks. She is a teacher and needed a fill in for a couple weeks before her annual sitter could watch her. I have had lots of people ask me to keep their children, so I thought this was a good opportunity to try out my skills as a nanny and mommy at the same time.

To be honest things started off really good. Caroline was in a good mood and my friends baby is always in a good mood. We were gracefully moving through our morning, and even though the girls weren't very interested in napping, we were ready for lunch. By this time, Caroline had been walking for a couple weeks and was all over the place. After I fed her, it was time to feed the next baby. So I put Caroline down, and she proceeded to walk between me and our back doors to look at the dog. A friend of mine decided to pop in a little early to come visit me and I am so glad she was there. (she was suppose to drop by several hours later...a total God thing if you asked me)

About 5 minutes later, as my friend and I talked as I was feeding the other baby, Caroline took a very hard fall in our kitchen. She was just steps away from me and had fallen straight backwards onto our ceramic tile floor. It had to be the loudest fall I had ever heard, and immediately I was up and by her side. I quickly scooped her up expecting to hear screams coming from my child...instead I heard nothing. I mean absolutely nothing....Caroline wasn't breathing.

I anxiously patted her back and kept saying "Breathe Caroline, Breathe." As my friend came along side of me, I saw the panic in her face. After about 30 seconds, Caroline breathed. Immediately she locked out her arms and collapsed in my arms. That's when fear flooded me. I thought "this is that freak accident that you never expect to happen to you."

I turned to my friend, she is a mother of three, and gasped for help. She blankly looked at me and I grabbed my keys to leave, Caroline still limp and unconscious in my arms. She immediately said "911". So the first time I have ever called the ambulance was for my daughter. They came quickly (a shout out to the EMT's in Rutherford Co.) and about a minute or so before the got there Caroline came around. She was beyond a shade of white and not quite blue...more like a slate gray. She was cold and sweaty, and wasn't really focusing. She would raise her head ever so slightly and then gently lay it back on my shoulder. The Fire department (3 of them) the police (2 of them) and the EMT's (2 of them) all crammed into my living room and examined my sweet Caroline. The quickly affirmed that she was going to be ok, but that I still should go to the ER because she is so young and it was a head injury. I declined the ride in the ambulance assuring them that I would take her there myself.

I didn't break down until I heard my husbands voice on the phone. I couldn't breathe because the fear over took me. Yes Caroline was alright, but I was scared to death. Chris immediately came home, and he and I took the little one to the ER. By this time, she was much better and the ER doctor confirmed that Caroline had just knocked herself out. (Think of a boxing match KO). She said that we should watch her but the most likely she would have a wicked headache, and a slight concussion.

At that point, we finally let her nap. And she slept for a long while as we came back home. Everyone else seemed to go back to normal. Chris and Caroline were both fine, I on the other hand not so much. It seemed like every time I closed my eyes, all I saw was the lifeless Caroline in my arms. It wasn't her not breathing, or the sound of the fall that freaked me out the most. It was the rolling of her eyes back into her head and the feel of her limp body in my arms. I didn't sleep and the next morning I hysterically cried before Chris left for work. I didn't want to be alone and I couldn't watch my friends baby. I was traumatized.

I didn't know when I would get over it and I can't fully say that I am. I still panic when she falls (which is daily, the fun of a walker). I still panic when she acts weird. I still want to carpet our whole house. But I am better...and trust that God has her in His hands. That's all I have in the end.

That was just August 2nd,
Lindsey