Lets Stop Comparing

I don't need to tell you one more time that I am reading the Beth Moore book So Long Insecurity...but I am going too. :) Maybe it will spur you along to pick it up yourself and find the hope that I have in it.

But this morning I was reading and this particular chapter was the practical steps we can take to change the direction on the path of insecurity to one of God-Given Security. It was speaking volumes to me...especially when I got to the part about comparing. I am going to give you a short snipit of what she had to say, and then how I think it relates to us as moms.

" Or constant propensity to compare ourselves to the women around us is wrecking our perceptions of both ourselves and them. Most of us aren't in a public place for five minutes before we peruse the female players in the room and judge where we rank. Human nature rarely balances itself on the tightrope of equality, despite our noble claims. Far more often in our comparisons to other women, we fall headlong to one side with inferiority or swan-dive to the other side of superiority. A bloody tumble is inevitable either way."

I immediately thought about us moms. I mean, to be frank, these very statements are why I started this blog. I compared myself to all of you...and I "fell headlong" to the side of inferiority. I would walk into a room of other moms and see them all showered and cleaned and I felt terrible about myself. I was just starting to figure out how to get out of the house with a newborn and hadn't mastered how to get ready before hand. (I was lucky to find some clothes that had been washed :)) So I compared myself and fell short every time.

Here are some of the ways:

Their babies were sleeping through the night + mine wasn't= I was a terrible mom and doing something wrong

Their babies were never fussy+ mine had gas issues= their baby was better than mine

Their babies were sleeping in their cribs + my little one was a co-sleeper +A gasp from anyone I told and then a huge amount of criticism for my poor judgement = a wave of insecurity about the future of my child's sleep habits and mine as well

Either way the comparison of other moms and other babies left me and my baby feeling less than adequate. Now that I am further down the pike (if you call 9 months further down the pike) I love sitting with new moms and listening to their ups and downs. I hope in our time together, if you have learned anything about me, you know that I like to be real. So to sit with a new mom and cry with her when she is scared about being a bad mom, or to share our up all night stories, or tell her it's OK if her baby is screaming while we talk (and mean it) I find camaraderie not comparison. I find new friends not rivals. I find moms who are in the same place as I am, instead of assuming they got a better baby and mom skills that I lacked.

Galatians 5:26 from The Message says this...

"We will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original. "

Each one of us were made to be a mom, and where given exactly what we needed to help our babies thrive in this world. We are each an original as are the babies we each have in our care. Because one's sleeping or eating habits are different from another's don't translate to anything else but the originality of that baby. One's parenting skills whose are different from another's doesn't make them any worse or better, but just shows the originality of that set of parents. We can stop comparing ourselves to others because we have far more interesting things to do with our lives, like taking care of our own children and watching them develop into the person God specifically made them to be.

So let's stop comparing and start embracing and encouraging one another. I am sure that there is freedom in that.

One of you,

Lindsey