Fear Based Parenting

First let me say... I am so thankful for the small group of women that pour into my life and help me up out of the pit when I am so desperately making my bed in the mud and mire. I am beyond grateful for their wisdom, help and sincerity. This is not about them but about me, and my journey in motherhood.

I realized something huge (HUGE) today that I need to share. I, my dear friends, have been parenting ( or lack there of) out of fear. I have been so scared of the little person C is becoming that I truly have been scared into doing nothing. I don't know how to parent a strong willed child, so I have let her rule this house. I have let her climb, throw, hit (don't judge) and even bite me sometimes with out any recant from me. I just didn't know what to do...and when I don't know what to do in life I revert into the coward I can be.

But, and I do mean but, not anymore (God willing). Today I choose to stop parenting out of fear and choose to parent out of faith. I choose to love her enough to tell her no, to get up and go to her and not shout from the other side of the room. I choose to put her in time out and do it again and again until she gets it. I choose to be active in this role and not passive. I choose to love her by disciplining her out of that love and not out of the sheer frustration I feel so much of the time. I choose to be the parent.

This might seem like a "well duh" moment for you, but not for me. I truly am not sure what to do at times, this being my first go-round.  I want my daughter to grow up with confidence in our love for her and thus use her strong will for good and not bad. I want her to grow up with confidence in herself and how God made her and thus use that confidence to help others and not just herself. I want her to grow up believing in the leader God has made her to be ( I know she will be) to make wise choices instead of ones that will lead her down a destructive path. I want more for her. I simply want her to love God, us and others well.

I can only teach her these things by doing them first. So by faith I trust that God is working out of me the "people pleaser" that I am and the hope that you will all think my daughter is the cutest, sweetest thing ever. Because you won't. I give up worrying that you might think I am a bad parent because I choose to spank or not to spank. I don't care what you think. I am doing what I think is best for us. I choose to not pay attention to the looks you give me when my daughter (who is a full blown independent toddler) bucks me and throws a fit in front of you. She will do it and I will do my best to handle it respectively.

For all the moms out there who are trying to find your way, like me, choose to engage your child and raise them not out of fear but out of confidence in your role. Out of all the parents God could have chosen for my sweet little girl, he choose me. He obviously thinks I have what it takes to be the best parent for her. He. HE. HE! No one else but Him, really matters. So if He thought it good...then it's good I am Caroline's mom. I choose to move from fear based parenting to faith in HIM parenting.

This is for me today,
Lindsey