My How Time Flies

Yesterday I had the privilege of spending some good quality time with two of my best girlfriends. They BOTH have newborn's (2 weeks and 6 weeks old) while I was childless because C was at preschool.

After I got to shower, do my hair AND makeup I found myself sitting with both of them begging to hold their little ones. You would think with my days off with C at school, holding another child would not be what I wanted to do...but I love these two little girls so much I just couldn't help it!

So I grabbed the first one I could get my hands on and sat there cuddling and gazing at the tiny little miracles before me. One of the sweet ones started to coo and I thought "I am not sure I can remember what Caroline sounded like cooing."

Time flies...doesn't it?

As I loved on, kissed on, and held this little ones I found myself missing those moments with C. I have flipped back through this online journal I call a blog and found some remnants of that time here, here and here.

Again...time flies.

Now she walks, talks, jumps, dances, chases the dog around the house, calls her friends and family by name, tells me when she's hungry, tired or something hurts.

She says "moret" instead of more.
She says "one moret time" when she wants to do something again.
She says "I love you."
She says "I love you...moret"
She loves to play ring around the rosy.
She loves to sing songs.
She loves to say the alphabet (of course missing a few letters along the way.)
She loves to count.
She loves to count to three and jump off of things.
She loves Boots on Dora the Explorer.
She loves The Doodle Bops.
She loves it when her daddy comes home and will skip around the house for the first full minute he walks through the door calling his name with every skip.
She loves to "plex" with her daddy. (wrestle on the bed)
She loves to feed Zeus her scraps from her meal.
She will remind Chris and I to pray before our meals and sneaks a few bites of food while we pray.
She still loves her binky.
She loves to sleep with all her stuffed animals in the bed. Bedtime wouldn't be the same without lamby, baby, wolfe and roo.
She loves to be tickled.
She loves to laugh.
She loves to play.
She loves everything.

I don't want to forget because time goes by so fast. We are quick to remember the firsts of things but don't pause enough to think of the lasts of things.

If time is flying I want to enjoy the view.

Love,
Lindsey

Something is in the air.

The last couple months have been hard on me. Not as a mom (thankfully) but as person. I have been dealing with a lot of difficult stuff, the type of stuff you don't want to deal with. The stuff where when you think about either dealing with it or shoving it back down into the depths of your soul, shoving it down sounds like a better idea.

I can't shove it down anymore, so I guess we should talk about it. I guess I should deal with it.

Maybe it's a woman thing, maybe its just a human thing, but when your self-esteem lies in what others think of you...you're set up for failure. You're setup for pain. You're set up for being disappointed. I have struggled with self-esteem and people pleasing for so long I can't think about a time when I didn't struggle with it. I have allowed myself to change for people and make decisions based on what would make others happy and not what would make myself happy. Because of this I have been in a stupor for much of this year.

It seems that God has had a plan this year to finally rid me of this disease. So He has plucked and pulled at ALL of my relationships. I never realized before how much hope I had put in them. But as one-by-one: my marriage, my friendships, my family were pulled to the forefront and laid bare and open for emotional health surgery.

And surgery has been done. Some have survived. Some haven't.

I now am in recovery. Still in pain. Still healing. Everyday getting better.

I am so thankful that I am taking steps to be in emotionally healthy relationships with others. I am so sad that I have lived for so long thinking I wasn't worth it and that it was better to have lots of friends than have a small number of true friends. I am so thankful that my husband thinks marriage counseling is worth the money and time because he wants to be married to me for the rest of his life, not just the next couple years. I am so thankful that I have realized that no family is perfect and have started loving each of them for who they are.
I am so thankful that i am learning. I am so thankful I am growing.
I am so thankful He is changing me everyday.

I am not going to lie... in a perfect world everyone would like me. But I don't live in a perfect world. And everyone definitely isn't going to like me. But I am going to try and be the best me I can be. I am going to love those who are in my life fiercely, wholly and completely.

My security doesn't lie in others or what they think about me, but in a Savior who made me and loves me just as I am.

He thinks I am awesome...

Recovering,
Lindsey

Heaven

For some reason I have been thinking alot about it lately...what it's going to be like.
The other day I was walking on the treadmill at the gym in the cardio cinema and the movie they were playing was "The Holiday". I LOVE THIS MOVIE! I was so excited that it was on I ended up walking for an hour.
Towards the end of the movie there is a seen that once I saw it I thought immediately of heaven...

I started crying in the theater...I mean do you think, that possibly as we enter heaven everyone will rejoice over us being there...do you think we will see family, friends and loved ones that have gone before... do you think God will be waiting for us at the top of the stairs...
I hope so.

Just wanted to share that it made me think of heaven...

Much love,
Lindsey

Another One..Why Not

For those of you who clicked on this thinking I am talking about having another child...so sorry to dissapoint, but no that's not what I meant. But please for the sake of your heart keep reading...

For most of you who keep up with my blog you know that I am unashamedly a HUGE Ann Voskamp fan. I have posted one afer another posts of her work here on this blog, and the changes it has made in me.

So "another one" you ask? My response is "Why Not?"

This one is that good.
GO HERE NOW!

Lots of love,
Lindsey

Controlling...humph.....

So in the past week I have come face to face with the controlling part of my personality. It was brought to my attention and now I can't get away from it. It's everywhere...

First things first...I don't want to be. I really don't. It's not something people pride themselves on being. It's not something they list as a strength on their resume. It's not something people would even outwardly admit to others. It's a deep dark secret that most of us try to keep under wraps until, if you are lucky like me, others get a ugly glimpse of it.

Since last Saturday I have dug deep personally for some answers. I have tried to shut my mouth and let the Lord work out of me this characteristic of mine. And the longer I stayed quiet the more I saw how much of my life I try to control.

As a mom, daily I control our environment. I make most the decisions for Caroline and I throughout the day.I feel like I have the best knowledge (if you would even call it that) of what Caroline needs and or wants. It's really more like a guessing game, but I feel like my guesses are pretty good. I have to keep a stable environment so that our ship doesn't sink here, and so I take the captain role.

This has seeped into other areas of life now. My husband, friends and family have begun to see the error of this thought process. I, very late in the game, am picking up the vibe.

So how do you as a mom let go of control? How do you as a wife let go of control? How do you as a friend let go of controlling the relationship to meet your needs? How do you as a sibling or daughter/son let go of controlling how your family's dysfunction looks to others?

 I do realize that it's never mine in the first place with God in my life...but I try to steer more often than letting Him have that place. It's endlessly frustrating and beyond overwhelming.
Systematically with a toddler I have to lay boundaries out and have schedule and consistency throughout our day. I know this for truth. But how do I not control her? How do I let go of what I want for her and just let her be her?
How do I stop controlling how I think my husband should parent our daughter and let him just be the daddy he naturally is?
How do I stop trying to make my family be something that their not and just let them live the lives they want to live?
How do I stop trying to control whether my friends like me or not?

Trying to control everything is no way to live and brings no freedom to just be me. It strangles and takes away joy from life. It is a silent threat for all my relationships. This is truth.

The phrase "Let go and let God" is easier said than done....but there is no other place I could run to faster than to His grace, His love, His forgiveness.

For us controlling people:
"Do you want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here's what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It's the way you live not the way you talk, that counts. Mean-spirited ambition isn't wisdom. Boasting that you are wise isn't wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourselves sound wise isn't wisdom.  It's the furthest thing from wisdom-it's animal cunning, devilish conniving. Whenever you are trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the other's throats.
Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy robust community that lives right with God and enjoy it's results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor."
James 3:13-18 (The Message)

What does that mean?

I have been a way for a while...but this might explain it.

We have some very close friends that came to have dinner with us on Friday. After we put Caroline to bed and their boys were curled up on the couch watching a movie we sat around the kitchen table talking life.

My girlfriend is all into personality profiles and how they can help you better understand your friends, spouse and family. She was talking about what she recently learned from her taking the Myers Brig personality test and how it has changed her relationships. My husband also loves these tests...I on the otherhand hate taking any sort of test. But somehow we ended up online all taking this test to see what our personality profile was.

As luck would have it I went first. I am not going to lie, 10 questions in with my husband and best friend trying to answer the questions the way they think I am, I was ready to give up.

I am as insecure as the come...working hard on becoming God-secure. So I gritted my teeth and finished the test. I, my friends, am a ESFJ.

"What does that mean?" you say....well it means that the first career path listed under my type is homemaker. Let me say that again....HOMEMAKER! Yup.

As everyone else finished their tests, we started looking at famous people that had our personality types. As the three others sitting at the table comparing people on their list like C.S. Lewis, Calvin Coolidge (and 7 other presidents on my husbands page), mary the mother of Jesus, Luke the disciple and others who made significant impacts in our history, the most famous person on my page was Sally Fields or Donna Reed.

I started feeling incredibly insecure. For the next day and half, I felt like I was less than my friends and their great personality types. They would be changing the world and I would just be running my little old household doing nothing because that's not how God made me.

Until I thought, "Yes this is how God made me. He made me to be a wife and a mom. He made me to take care of others. He made me to love others...completely. He made me a homemaker because in raising my child (and possibly in the future other children) I will be changing the world. I might not be in the hand to hand combat but by being who God made me to be my children might just be the ones to do something great. "

My ESFJ personality just might have a purpose. Ofcourse it does! I have been trying for so long to decide what I wanted to do because I have been fighting this stay at home mom thing for so long! But why fight something that I am called to do. I should just embrace it and give it everything I have. If I am going to be great at anything I want to be great at being a good wife to my husband and mom to my children.

So what does this all mean...it means that it's ok to embrace who you are. Actually do more than embrace it....run after it with all your might. Throw yourself into your strengths and don't focus on  your weaknesses. Be who God made you to be!

ESFJ,
Lindsey

This will make you cry...

So, a friend of mine sent me some information about a video she wanted me to watch. In her words "You NEED to watch this"

So as I patiently awaited the link she said she would send me, I got antsy and went on the search for it myself. I am not sure if this is the one she so much "Needed" me to watch, but I am more than grateful for finding it.

It is a story that will make you cry.
It is a love story.
It is a sad story.
It is a remarkably happy story.
It is what I hope to accomplish in my own marriage.

Intrigued yet....go watch


Let me know what you think...
Lindsey

Sharing Some Joy

I have shared with you several times how much I love Mrs. Ann Voscamp. She wrote the book One Thousand Gifts, a book that simply put has changed my life.

She also writes at her blog daily, and I read it daily. Today, no exception, was a particular good message. So I choose to share it with you here...sharing with you a little bit of joy.

Please don't skip past it...it's too good to pass up.

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/05/why-everyone-can-be-an-optimist/

My glass is full,
Lindsey

Mesage Monday: Just for Me

This...this today...this one is just for me.

Romans 7:15

The Message (MSG)

^14-16I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.


How I know that today, of all days (maybe everyday...yes everyday) do I need God's grace. You see it's easy to fall back into old ways-old habits- after a season of Epiphany. And I have let him (not Him) whisper things that I have long forgotten. I let him play with my mind.
I cannot be trusted. But HE can. I trust Him. I trust.
God's grace...God's grace.


No need to try and make sense of my wanderings today...remember this one is just for me.
Lindsey

Let's Play Catch-Up

So in the past couple weeks since I last wrote, I have:

Gutted my house for a garage sale. I do mean gut. We sold ALL of our living room furniture, an entire bedroom suite, patio furniture and a tireless amount of junk. We did this sale with 2 other families and had a ball. But to be honest...it was way harder to get ready for and execute with a toddler running around. Every time I pulled out an old toy of hers to sell, she all of the sudden had a new found interest in it. Every time I pulled out an old box of stuff to go through she wanted in on the action and would begin scattering it all about our house.
For a few days there I truly thought I was going to lose my mind by living in all that filth. My daughter for days had what my husband likes to call "grocery store feet" from running around our house (grocery store feet is when they are black from dirt on the bottoms). Gross I know.

After Gutting my house we hosted the garage sale. We were very successful. We made over a $1200. You should read my husbands post about what to do with your money you make from a garage sale.
We took the money and bought all new furniture. We get house fever alot and a better option for us than going to purchase a new home is to make our home feel new again. Hence selling off everything we own and buying all new stuff works for us.

Which brings me to the third thing I had to do before we bought our new furniture and while the house was gutted. CLEAN! Like baseboards and stuff. NOT FUN! VERY TIMING CONSUMING! COMPLETELY EXHAUSTING!
But done...never-the-less.

Fourth...we went and bought all new furniture. This was a lot of fun! And as I type I am sitting on my incredibly, wonderfully, soft new couch that I LOVE! I feel like I moved into a new house <3

Finally I have reorganized...and continued to throw things out. You never know how much junk you have until you start organizing things. My husband has given me a new rule it's a one for one rule. Anytime you buy a new pair of shoes you throw out a pair. Anytime you buy a new dress you get rid of a dress. This is really helping me to declutter and get rid of things I don't use.

So if you have been wondering where I have been and why I haven't been blogging...this is why! I have been busy!

But I am back now. And much more comfortable in my "new" home.

Lindsey

Message Monday

So there is something you should know about me... I can be mean.
Mean, Mean, Mean.

When I get tired, stressed, lonely, hurt or sometimes for know reason at all (my husband is shaking his head in agreement) I can just be plain old mean.

Hence this morning when I was reading a book... which I will blog about tomorrow on... I came across this verse and have decided to practice what it preaches.

You may not be mean like me sometimes...but everyone can use a little truth.

Ephesians 4:31-32 (The Message)
 ^31-32Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.
(NIV)
³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Getting rid of ALL of it,
Lindsey

Kids and Money

So have I told you that I have an awesome, wise and talented husband? Cause I do!

And today, among everyday, I am very proud of him. Today he has guest posted on a favorite blog of mine Parentzilla. One of our good friends started the site to teach parents how to handle their teenagers. Caroline has several years until we get there, but with the great amount of information you get from this site will make those years easier to digest. So if you don't know Parentzilla...get to know them!

But back to my husband...here he is the handsome man.

This week he started his blog about financial planning, advice and coaching. Chris Campbell's Blog is a great place to have some of your questions answered about budgeting, major financial decisions and overall to do's and not to do's. So go see it...and follow it. He is planning on guest posting for me monthly about teaching your children about money, and also about personal finance. As women we need to know what's going on in that area if we don't already.

But today I want you to read his post about 5 Ways To Help Your Teenager With Money.
It's  a great introduction to him and who he is...plus you get to visit Parentzilla! Really cool huh?

Let me know what you think...

Proud Wife,
Lindsey

Message Monday: The Beginning of Holy Week

He came. On a donkey.

One that had never been ridden. Because no one could do what He was going to do. He was the only one who could ever do what He was about to do. Because...HE IS JESUS.

The one and only. The only god we chase after who can where the title of Savior.

This is the beginning of Holy week. The week we celebrate the last few days, hours and minutes of this God-Man's life. The life that has swept mine up into His. He who has saved me from utter darkness. He who just simply Is.

They welcomed Him with the laying down of their coats, the laying down and waving of palm branches. The crying of the word "Hosanna!" which aptly means "SAVE US!" was ringing throughout the city.

They didn't want to be saved the way He was going to save them. He would die a horrific death and thus destroy their dreams of being the king they expected. They were going to be disappointed.

If they only could see what we see...how his death has saved so many of our lives. How it has saved mine.

Read his triumphal entry. Let it change you.

The Royal Welcome

^1-3When they neared Jerusalem, having arrived at Bethphage on Mount Olives, Jesus sent two disciples with these instructions: "Go over to the village across from you. You'll find a donkey tethered there, her colt with her. Untie her and bring them to me. If anyone asks what you're doing, say, 'The Master needs them!' He will send them with you."
^4-5This is the full story of what was sketched earlier by the prophet:

Tell Zion's daughter,
"Look, your king's on his way,
poised and ready, mounted
On a donkey, on a colt,
foal of a pack animal."
^6-9The disciples went and did exactly what Jesus told them to do. They led the donkey and colt out, laid some of their clothes on them, and Jesus mounted. Nearly all the people in the crowd threw their garments down on the road, giving him a royal welcome. Others cut branches from the trees and threw them down as a welcome mat. Crowds went ahead and crowds followed, all of them calling out, "Hosanna to David's son!" "Blessed is he who comes in God's name!" "Hosanna in highest heaven!"
¹⁰As he made his entrance into Jerusalem, the whole city was shaken. Unnerved, people were asking, "What's going on here? Who is this?"
¹¹The parade crowd answered, "This is the prophet Jesus, the one from Nazareth in Galilee."

Humbled,
Lindsey

The Elusive Night of Sleep

So... I have told you about this before.

Sleeping with Caroline has never been good. The minute I think we have "turned the corner" I am quickly reminded it was not a corner at all but more of a bend in the road.

I. am. tired.

I say this in the nicest way possible...if your child has always been a good sleeper, cheers! But mine has not. I have tried almost everything.

She has a routine.
She naps good.
She has cried it out and it does no good nor does it find her any consistency.
She goes to sleep awake.

She is 18 months old now and to be honest, I am thinking that she just might not be a good sleeper. This almost brings me to tears. When she does wake up in the middle of the night she sometimes is awake for 2 hrs or so (wide awake I might add.) Sometimes the easiest way for any of us to get any sleep at all is to do the things we shouldn't do...like rock her or give her a bottle.

Yes I cave...but trust me at 18 months you would too.

There are glimmers of hope I have. She is cutting her 2 year molars right now, so maybe just maybe, after we are done teething (just 2 more teeth left) she will sleep better. I also am going to try a slightly different bed time "thing". I will let you know if it works.

So, this is mostly just to vent. Right now I am letting C cry herself to sleep because she is just down right cranky...and I know my day will stink if she doesn't get some sleep. But, if you are reading this and you think you might have some advice (that doesn't make me feel like a terrible mother) share with me. I beg you, share with me.

Hoping for some rest,
Lindsey

I get to what?

Good morning...and I do mean good! All to often, I wake up feeling differently. Feeling as though my days are not really good, not really bad. Just working to get through another one. Another season. Another stage. (honesty)

But today it so happens, Caroline woke up early and was ready to nap by 8am this morning. So I laid her down and picked up my favorite book and Bible. These words I read:

"The sun climbs the horizon. I throw back the covers, take another breath and begin. I get to. I get to Live." (Ann Voscamp, One Thousand Gifts)

My mind flashes to fifteen minutes prior where my little girl climbed up into my lap, laid the palm of her hand on my face and giggled. A giggle which erupted out of nowhere. Out of thin air. Out of the breath the Lord gave her.

I get to Live.
I get to. She gets to. You get to.

It's as profound as it is simple. We make these days harder on ourselves than they are. (And believe me...these days are hard.) But we are here. We get to Live. We get to breathe. The world might feel like it's falling in around us...but we are here. Here to love on the ones closest to us. To giggle for no reason. To cry when something hurts. To speak up for those who can't speak up. We get to pray. We get to see God in our children. We get to walk out in the sunshine on beautiful spring days. We get to lay down and sleep at night...and wake up to a new day.

I know what it feels like to walk each day out, just trying to pass through. Ann Voscamp calls it the "walking dead". I do it so very often. But to really live, to really embrace each day for the gifts it holds is where I want to be. What I want to do. Even if those gifts come with challenges and pain. I just want to feel...to feel each and everything that comes our way is to Live.

Where I began journaling these wanderings in my journal this morning, was this verse: (I love how God does this)

Psalm 136:2-3, 26
Give thanks to the God of gods. Give thanks to the Lord of lords. Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever.

That's it right...a place to start living. Give thanks to God. Give thanks for this day and every day you have. Live them. Fully Live them. Be thankful for them.

I am not preaching to you, but with you. I don't want to waste another day just existing. I want to be fully here for C, for my husband, for my God and for you. Life may be challenging, difficult, hard at times...but each morning I wake with a new day (a new opportunity) to live. I have a choice.

And today...I am Going to Live life today...

(I hope you do too)

Lindsey

A Review in Picures-18 months

Well...it's been a while since I have done this, and well it's just about time.
C turned 18 months back a couple weeks ago and I have been picking up my camera here and there just to snap some pics. So here she is at 18 months and some of my favorite pics of the last six months.

Enjoy

 My momma thinks I am the prettiest!

 huh? What did you say mom?

 I love things that are soft <3

 Yeah!! Spring is here :)

 Sweet...

 Sweeter!

 I am just so happy!

 I love you mommy...

 I love trodding around the house in daddy's shoes!

 I love my daddy and dog (I call him bubba)

 My mom loves my curls...and I love my books

 Seriously, could she be any cuter?

Puckering up with my daddy!

Happy,

Lindsey



Message Monday

I am slightly obsessed with Eugene Peterson's rendition of the Bible, called The Message. I love the way the words are written as if it were just a conversation between us and the Lord. I find myself often challenged by the simplicity of it, the ease of the words find more power for me.

So I am starting Message Monday, where I share with you passages of The Message that I am currently learning from. I have been toiling now in the "Beatitudes" and I love the beauty of them this morning. Drink of the words...let them fill the cravings you have with the substance of Him.

Matthew 5

You're Blessed

^1-2 When Jesus saw his ministry drawing huge crowds, he climbed a hillside. Those who were apprenticed to him, the committed, climbed with him. Arriving at a quiet place, he sat down and taught his climbing companions. This is what he said:
³"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
⁴"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
⁵"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
⁶"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
⁷"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.
⁸"You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
⁹"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.
¹⁰"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.
^11-12"Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.

That, my dears, is what it means to be blessed. (Much different than what the world defines it as)

I am blessed,
Lindsey

Birthday Post-31 Reasons

So tomorrow I turn 31. Yep. 31...

It's funny, this is the first year I feel "older". There is just something about saying  I am 31 that sounds older.  I don't know...just does.

Anyways. In honor of 31 years of life,  thought I would list 31 reasons I love my life. So here it goes:

1) I am still here. Looking back on some troublesome years (18-24), part of me thinks I defied some odds because there are multiple times I could say "I should have died doing that!" or "That really was not smart!" Either way, the Lord saw it fit to keep me here and I am so glad he did. I am thankful for each day I get.
2) My Husband. If  you want to know why I love him so much, go here . It's just a snippet of the man I get to spend my life with.
3) My amazing daughter Caroline. If you don't already know why I love her so much...just read some of the posts on this blog.
4) I have an amazing family. All though we are far from perfect.. I love my mom, dad and sister. They are loving, caring and supportive. Not to mention each of them picked some fantastic additions to my family: my step-mom Karen, step-dad Gary and future BIL David.
5) My nieces... Maddie and Hadley. I love them so.
6) My extended family. I have awesome Grand Parents In Law that I love and that love the Lord. I have an amazing MIL that is one of the most thoughtful ladies ever. Awesome aunts and uncles I adore. A SIL that I love spending time with...all of them are wonderful and I am so thankful for.
7) My health. I have been relatively healthy my whole life and I don't take it for granted. I am still in good shape and plan to stay that way until I really am old and gray! God willing!
8) I get to stay home with my little girl each day. I don't have to miss a second of her growing up...and I am so thankful for that.
9) I love my home. It is little, sweet and homey. It has a roof and a warm bed for me to sleep in at night. It's perfect for us.
10) I have the greatest dog Zeus who has been a companion of mine for 10 years. He is still going strong, protects our home and he loves my little girl.
11) I love my friends. God has blessed me with some amazing girl friends to walk this life with. Although they have come along later in my life, I am a better person because of them. They have shown me what true friendship looks like and I look forward to growing old with each of them.
12) Church. I just love the place.
13) I love my story. It's ugly, messy, embarrassing and beautiful. It shows that there really is a God who really does extend grace and really does work miracles. If you knew me B.C. (Before Christ) you know this is true.
14) I get to live in America. This might sound cheesy and or stuck up, but since none of us got to choose where we were born...I am glad I was born here in the land of the free. I get to believe what I want, say what I want (for the most part) and write what I want. It's a good place to live.
15) I love being able to travel each year with my husband.
16) We have a job that provides for our family. I am so thankful for Dave Ramsey for taking care of his employees and that he hired my husband.
17) We have cars to take us places. It would be miserable to have to walk with a baby everywhere..right?
18) I love that I have time to do things I love to do....like read. I love to read.
19) I love that I have a group of moms to share this mom experience with each week. They really have become such a part of my life and helped me in this transition season.
20) I love living where I do...it finally feels like home.
21) I love being able to mentor a college girl who reminds me so much of myself. It's a way for me to help her make different choices than I made.
22) I love that I don't stop changing. My life never stops changing and I hope I never stop either. 30 years from now I want to be way wiser, more compassionate and a fierce lover of people.
23) I love my sister. I know I said it earlier...but she deserves her own spot. I love her so.
24) I love the Bible and the fact I get to read it everyday. It's a privilege.
25) I love being creative and crafty. I love being able to plan events or sew pretty little things for friends. I love that God made me this way.
26) I love that my husband gives me "off mommy-duty" time to just go and be me.
27) I love the beach and getting to go with our best buddies every year. It is something that I look forward to.
28) I love that God freed me from worrying about what everyone else thinks of me.
29) I love being a mom. It's the best job God could have chosen for me.
30) I love me. I can finally say it, I love the person I have become.
31) Jesus has made this life worth living. He above all else is the main reason I love my life...because He loves me.

Whew that was hard...but it was a good exercise in gratefulness. You see, it's in the remembering that I become grateful for where I have been and begin looking forward to where I am going. So here's to the next 31 years, or however many years the Lord allows.

31,
Lindsey

Truth

I write this as I am finishing drying tears from my face.

Do you ever read things that just ring truer than true in your heart. Where it almost startles you as emotion begins to heave the sighs of truth from the center of your heart. That drum starts beating and you can feel the heat rise behind your cheeks...it's there. The Truth.

I share with you what it was that sent tears streaking down my cheeks a few sentences is.

Read it. Hear it. See the Truth.
Let it change you.

The Importance of Being the Prodigal Parent

I don’t know who said you couldn’t, but they were dead wrong.
You could be death wish over a toilet, a flagrant sinner over a credit card, a Pharisee over a pulpit, and it doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter a hill of beans.
And it’s a hill I’d die on, because that’s exactly why a Carpenter really did:
Whoever you are, wherever you’ve been, whatever you’ve done and whatever story you own — you can always come home again.
Read the rest of it here...

A Prodigal Parent,
Lindsey

A New Way to Pray

I have written a couple blogs before on praying for your child, or prayers I have prayed for C. But to be honest I have not fully mastered exactly how to pray for my sweet one.

What's even worse I have failed so often to daily pray for her and my husband out of my own self-pity stage. I have rambled on and on about me, my needs, my problems...but stop there. My sweet Father has gently been reminding me that I NEED to be praying for them (husband and daughter) I NEED to be interceding (BIG Christian word) for them.

As I read my Bible I see Paul and the other Apostles say things like "I have not stopped giving THANKS for you, remembering you in my prayers." Ephesians 1:16
"We always thank God the Father when we pray for you." Colossians 1:3
"We CONSTANTLY pray for you" 2 Thessalonians 1:11

We love well when we pray for one another. I am never loving my family more than when I pray for them. But how often I fail at this.

It's because I bite off more than I can chew. I feel as though I have to get everything in every time I pray. I have to pray for our marriage and Caroline's future spouse. I need to pray for their walk with the Lord. I have to pray for work and work ethic. I have to pray for their mind and thought life. I have to pray for their relationships. I have to pray for their faith.

So much to pray for. So much.

So I have decided that I am going to pray a new way. I will pray for all these things but break them down over the course of the week. Each day I will pray for a specific thing listed above. I will start with thankfulness as that seemed to be a running theme Paul kept bringing up. Just to praise the Lord for putting these 2 extraordinary people in my lives. To praise them for their uniqueness. Praise Him for allowing me to be in their lives.

Then from there, Monday through Saturday, I will pray for a different facet of their lives. Just a little bit each day. Less of me...more of them. More of Him.

I journal my prayers...it helps me to stay focused. I can look back and see where prayers have been answered where tears have stained the sheets of paper. I love having these treasures. One day when I am gone my sweet daughter will have them to remember me by. She will know my heart for her and the cries of my heart for her life. I hope she will treasure them too.

embarking on a new journey,
Lindsey

Controlling

Well...let's be honest, the word has a negative connotation to it. I mean who in their right mind wants to be known as a controlling person? I sure don't. But last night I came face to face with the fact that, I indeed, am as controlling as they come.

I don't know if I was in denial, or maybe just unaware of this characteristic. But, after my sweet husband uttered these fateful words, a thud of truth landed loudly in the deepest parts of my heart. I my sweet friends am what he says.

As I laid in bed last night (still stewing over his words I should add) I talked with the Lord about this matter. I mean is controlling really a bad thing? No one thinks negatively about being "passionate", it's a word people use often to praise themselves. But isn't controlling and passionate on an even playing field?

So let's just say I am passionate about having a clean house, and how to load the dishwasher because it makes unloading it so much easier and how Caroline gets ready for bed, and what she eats and doesn't eat. I am passionate about doing everything possible to keep her asleep in the mornings so we both can get a few extra zzz's. So, if that means my husband is making too much noise in the mornings, a little "sshhh" from me is warranted...right?

I hope you are laughing at me because I am laughing at myself. You might also be thinking "Your poor husband" and you would be correct in thinking so. You see it's all a little quite ridiculous. I got the sense that God was thinking the same thing when we were going over this list last night before bed.

I think the first step in getting out of the hole is recognizing your in one. So for that matter I am so thankful for the self-awareness. I DO NOT want to be controlling. But let me ask you this (I wish you could hear the sincerity of my heart) if I don't want to be controlling how do I stop?

 I do like the dishes put in the dishwasher a certain way because it's easier for me to unload them. I am the one who mostly loads and unloads them. So is asking someone to do something for you that makes your life easier a bad thing? This is where my sense fails me..because deep in my heart I welcome the help...I really do. I appreciate the times my husband does the dishes, cleans up or helps out with C. But why do I get so hung up on the things that he does or doesn't do that are different then the way I do them?

There is only one answer...stupidity. I should be grateful for his help. PERIOD! I shouldn't harp or nag because that reminds me of a proverb that I would love to have never read.
 ^" Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse." Proverbs 21:9 (the message)

Oh God, please help me to stop the nagging...to stop the controlling! It's not worth it....
And He so gently says to me....
"He (God) has showed you, O (wo)man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God… – Micah 6:8 (amp)

Yes Lord...I hear you. Kindness, mercy, humility...got it.
So all that to say, I am a work in progress.

Honey...if you read this, I love you and I am sorry. Please forgive me and trust that I am working on me. I am so thankful for all the help you give to me here at home.( And you do help.) You are one amazing man and I am so thankful to have married you!

Sigh~
Lindsey

100th POST!

Well today is my 100th post! I just can't believe it...100 times I have shared my life with you. 100 times I have poured my innermost thoughts out not knowing how they would be received. 100 times I let you in hoping that there was someone out there who could benefit from my experiences.

So today I want to share a milestones with you and some of my favorite posts! I hope you enjoy :)

First of all... I have been accepted as a blogger on TopMommyBlogs.com  you can go there and vote for my blog (Exhausted Mom) so we can hit #1 faster than any other new blog! You can look for me under the header of "Newest Blogs" or "Stay at Homes". (There are also some other great blogs on there to learn from too.)

Second of all... here are my top 3 favorite blog post I have written.
1) A birth Story.
2) Daddy Daze
3) Speaking Encouraging Words

These to me are the funniest and sweetest.
1) I love Blueberries!
2) A Royal Wedding
3) There's a First For Everything


Anyways...here's to the first 100 and to 100 more!

Excited,

Lindsey

Fear Based Parenting

First let me say... I am so thankful for the small group of women that pour into my life and help me up out of the pit when I am so desperately making my bed in the mud and mire. I am beyond grateful for their wisdom, help and sincerity. This is not about them but about me, and my journey in motherhood.

I realized something huge (HUGE) today that I need to share. I, my dear friends, have been parenting ( or lack there of) out of fear. I have been so scared of the little person C is becoming that I truly have been scared into doing nothing. I don't know how to parent a strong willed child, so I have let her rule this house. I have let her climb, throw, hit (don't judge) and even bite me sometimes with out any recant from me. I just didn't know what to do...and when I don't know what to do in life I revert into the coward I can be.

But, and I do mean but, not anymore (God willing). Today I choose to stop parenting out of fear and choose to parent out of faith. I choose to love her enough to tell her no, to get up and go to her and not shout from the other side of the room. I choose to put her in time out and do it again and again until she gets it. I choose to be active in this role and not passive. I choose to love her by disciplining her out of that love and not out of the sheer frustration I feel so much of the time. I choose to be the parent.

This might seem like a "well duh" moment for you, but not for me. I truly am not sure what to do at times, this being my first go-round.  I want my daughter to grow up with confidence in our love for her and thus use her strong will for good and not bad. I want her to grow up with confidence in herself and how God made her and thus use that confidence to help others and not just herself. I want her to grow up believing in the leader God has made her to be ( I know she will be) to make wise choices instead of ones that will lead her down a destructive path. I want more for her. I simply want her to love God, us and others well.

I can only teach her these things by doing them first. So by faith I trust that God is working out of me the "people pleaser" that I am and the hope that you will all think my daughter is the cutest, sweetest thing ever. Because you won't. I give up worrying that you might think I am a bad parent because I choose to spank or not to spank. I don't care what you think. I am doing what I think is best for us. I choose to not pay attention to the looks you give me when my daughter (who is a full blown independent toddler) bucks me and throws a fit in front of you. She will do it and I will do my best to handle it respectively.

For all the moms out there who are trying to find your way, like me, choose to engage your child and raise them not out of fear but out of confidence in your role. Out of all the parents God could have chosen for my sweet little girl, he choose me. He obviously thinks I have what it takes to be the best parent for her. He. HE. HE! No one else but Him, really matters. So if He thought it good...then it's good I am Caroline's mom. I choose to move from fear based parenting to faith in HIM parenting.

This is for me today,
Lindsey

Birthday for Daddy

This is a little late, but better late than never I say!

The husbands birthday falls on Valentine's day so this year we had a fabulous birthday party at home. I cooked steak, potatoes and salad (his favorite!) and had a lovely time!

Here are some of my favorite pics from the night <3

 The table is set!

 Birthday presents!

 Her first ever Valentine! Her daddy brought her roses <3

 Every year on his birthday we get him a new Yankee's ball cap :) I love the grey!

 I have a thing for cards!

 YUMMO~

 These brownies are called No Pudge Fudge Brownies! They are soo good and 140 calories a piece!

Birthday presents :) New Yankees Hat and Money

This is my favorite two people in the world! They make any day for celebrating!

Happy,
Lindsey

Day in and Day out

So we have been at this stay at home mom thing now for almost 18 months! Whew just can't believe it.

What a journey so far. I mean I can't believe that it has been that long, for sometimes it feels as though just yesterday we were coming home from the hospital with our little one. And yet it feels like I have been doing this forever. This mom thing.

Day in and day out our lives feel so routine. Like she has always been here and I have never done anything different. But this past weekend  I had a weekend get-away with my mom to visit my sister in Knoxville. A whole 2 days away from the hubby and daughter had me reflecting on my day to day scene.

People I don't get to see often ask "So how's life? What's new with you?" It's an embarrassing reply when I say "To be honest, not much. I mean really nothing new is really going on. I am at home, Caroline's good and Chris loves his job. I mean yeah, we are contemplating moving to a new house. We have switched churches and God is good. But not a whole lot new."

I don't think I could be further from the truth...but who wants to hear "Well, Caroline is constantly changing. Her moods, her likes and dislikes. She learns new things everyday...want to hear about  the new things she can say or what she understands now? With the whether changing we love to be outside. We love to go shopping together. Oh and she loves the wagon her Sudie (my mother in law) got her for Christmas. No day is ever the same with us. Some days are good, some days are not so good. But no day is like the one before."

As a mom I am realizing that my days are full! From sun rise to sun down...we are going going going. She doesn't stop (except for right now...she is napping). I am still writing, we are still learning each other. WE are really good. Life is really good. I might not have a ton to report on...but what I do is really important to us.

She is really important to me.

Oh...and by the way... the giving up facebook thing is going well. Haven't been on there in 5 days. Today I feel like I have no clue what's going on in the world...but I do feel like I have had more time to right here, spend time with C and to spend time with Him. So still plugging away.

Blessed,
Lindsey

A Season for Solemn Reflection

I don't think I have ever really understood the season of Lent before. To be honest I was somewhat confused by it. I only heard about it from some Catholic friends I had that were, in their eyes, forced to give something up for 40 days. Some did it cheerfully, some did it unwillingly and some gave up before they even started. So needless to say, I never really took to the Christian occasion.

But as I have grown older and have become a Christ-follower myself,  I have circled back around and have found myself face to face with this season again. The time for Lent.

Chris and I have recently switched churches and found ourselves in a congregation that celebrates the many different seasons of the Christian faith. I would not call this new church non-denominational, but more inter-denominational.They have looked across the divide of many Christian faiths and pulled pieces from each to appreciate and practice. I love the unity of this church. I love learning about the Christian calendar and why certain things are celebrated. Thus just coming out of my first season of advent I was beautifully surprised about the stirring of my heart for the purpose of stopping to pay attention to the "Christmas" season. It was about Christ coming...It was about Him here with us now...It is about Him coming again. It was beautiful.

So now we are through the season of Epiphany and I am partaking in my first Lent experience. So to do so I have done some research and came to the conclusion that this experience is so worth it. As a late comer to the Christian faith I think I have some what of a different view in my walk with the Lord. I wasted so much time the first 24 years of my life that I want to make the next however many long years I have count. I want to know Him more, I want to devote my life to Him and His mission.  I want to go deeper with Him and understand as much about Him and me as I possibly can. I want Him...no more, no less.

So this season of Lent, this season of solemn reflection, is me taking the time to spend with Him so that He can form me. It's me taking the time to sacrifice something important to my everyday life to even begin to understand His sacrifice to me. That I may in the slightest way become more like Him.

One of my favorite writers explained it in her blog "Lent is not as much about forfeiting as much as it is about formation". And if there is anything I need more of it is to be formed in the likeness of Christ. Especially as a mother.

Hence why my forfeiting is coming in the form of social media. Yes, I am giving up Facebook for Lent. I told my sister this and she laughed. As might you. But to be honest, I spend a lot of time on it. I will peruse and peruse for aimless downtime hours just to not be lonely or to put off something more I should be doing. Like spending time with my daughter. Like coloring with her. Reading to her. Working with her on her talking. Simply giving her more of me.

And even more so... I give Facebook the first part of my morning. While Caroline watches her PBS (I am real tight with Sid the Science Kid) I play on facebook and catch up on all that I missed. It is a daily morning thing for me. Bad I know. I have realized that there is just one thing that deserves the first part of my morning. And that's Him.

So I could have given up meat or sweets or TV, but to be honest, the one thing I knew would help me to experience more of Him and more of the daily moments I have is to let go of Facebook. I will daily be reminded of why I am doing this and why I am taking back this precious time. It's to be more like Him. Plain and Simple.

So if you are like me...and you want to embark on this 40 day Lent season. Just do it. Find something that would be a daily reminder of Jesus and what He did for you as He prepared to go to the lonesome tree that has your's and mine's name on it. Just do it, cause He didn't think twice about giving His life up for yours.

Lovingly,
Lindsey

Back and Better

So, I am sure that most of you haven't even noticed...but I took a little break from blogging. I was going to pursue a side business and spent the better part of last year working on that. I also think it was good for me to break for a little bit. Gave me time to think about this...this blogging thing.

I love to write. I love to write this blog. It, most of the time, has been somewhat therapeutic for me. The early days after Caroline was first born I just needed somewhere to vent. Even if nobody was reading, it just helped me to not feel so alone. So I wrote...and wrote. I really have no idea if anybody else got anything out of it, but it was good for me.

So now... Caroline is 18 months old. Man how time has flown and man how things have changed! I have realized that I just probably will always be exhausted. Caroline demands alot of everything that I have. She is a spitfire and keeps me on my toes chasing her all over the place. Needless to say life hasn't slowed down but somehow sped up.

It's better though. I have finally learned to relax and enjoy. I feel like that first year I was just trying to keep my head above water that I missed just the simplicity of it all. The quiet nights I would just hold her, feeding her, rocking her to sleep. It went by so fast but when your in it...it feels so slow. So now I try to remind myself that this season of running around chasing her, teaching her how to talk, teaching her what can hurt her, what she can do and can't do... the telling her no all the time, will pass... and quickly. It is a blink of the eye...isn't it?

People tell you those stupid cliche's and we just shrug them off as new moms...but it's true.

So, I am back to blogging. I am better. Stronger. More confident in this role as mom.

HA! Maybe I just like to think I am!

For now,
Lindsey