I went out of town this past weekend to Knoxville, TN to help my sister out with her catering business. I was gone Friday night, Saturday and got back Sunday afternoon. This is the longest that I have ever been away from the sweetness. She actually did fairly well, spending Friday night with my sweet husband and then Saturday night with her Nana. It wasn't until I returned home that things started to turn negative.
I realized very quickly that sweetness was making sure I wasn't planning on leaving again. At first the whimper when I would leave the room was cute...then a little frustrating and by last night...flat out exhausting. Yesterday she was in rare form. I mean there have been fussy moments in the past seven months, but nothing like the all out shrills that were coming from her yesterday. She wouldn't go down for a nap, she wouldn't sleep both Sunday night and last night and the only way that she would sleep is if I were holding her.
I promised you a couple weeks ago that I wouldn't take another moment for granted, but this was a little over the top. I couldn't even go to the bathroom without her letting me know she was not OK with that.
I love her, but last night (around 12:30am) I felt my self having a Brittney Spears moment. I was on the verge of a total meltdown right along with my daughter. I wanted to shave my head so that she could no longer pull another piece out of it. I wanted to scream and cry just like she was. I wanted to hand her off to my husband and go for a drive around the block...(remember...I promised honesty here).
But as tears began streaming down my face, sweet husband waltzed into the dark living room with a bright shining light of wisdom to share. He simply said, "This will pass." My eyes fill with water as I remember those words. This will pass. She will move out of this stage. Why in the world would I let myself get so overworked over a moment in time. Frustrated doesn't even begin to describe my state of mind. Exhausted to the umpteenth power was the least of my worries. I was done, with a capital D, and I let it get the best of me.
There are times I feel like the worst mom in the world. There a days that I am over it. But I should never let myself get so over done. I write this in hopes that if there is anyone else out there who has had similar moments, please know that you are not alone. Please know that this moment will pass. Please know that you are not a terrible mom, you are human.
Yesterday was a terrible day, but my wise husband was right. It passed. Today has been much better and I am so thankful. I asked the Lord for grace, mercy and forgiveness for my poor attitude and actions.
Humbled,
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