Chris, the husband, and I have have been married for 5 years this June. I can't believe that it has been 5 years, yet some days it feels like we have been married forever :). He truly is my best friend, and I feel honored that I get to spend my life with him.
I also think that he is a precious father. Watching him interact with Caroline has to be the sweetest thing in the whole world.
That being said, we have had a couple of off days and I am reminded at how much work is involved in this whole marriage thing. After 5 years, it sometimes feels like second nature doing the wife thing. I mean, he moves...I move, that sort of thing. But since the little sweetness came along, we have really had to work at our time together. It's so easy to make her the center of our universe and letting everything revolve around her. But, man can I tell a difference when we do. We argue more...we speak less...and we tend to become more like roomates sharing household duties rather than husband and wife. (I promised you I would be honest)
That's not the way it is suppose to be. Chris has and always will be second in my life, only second to God that is. Caroline rounds out at 3rd. That's the only way that we can make it work. God, Chris, Caroline.
Since I stay at home with her, I can be a little exhausted when he gets home from work. Sometimes I have dinner made, sometimes I don't. Sometimes, I need to hand off Caroline to him so that I can take a five minute breather. After he gets home we: eat dinner, play, feed the baby, bathe her, cuddle her, feed her again and rock her to sleep...we are left with little time to just be us. He might have fallen asleep already on the couch, or I have headed off to take my shower finally. And after several days of that, we are more irritable with each other because we haven't met the needs of the other person, only the needs of the baby. It truly is a vicious cycle.
That's why you need date nights, and sometimes date days. Time where the baby is with a sitter and the two of you go do something together. It has to be a PRIORITY!! Chris and I were really good about this the first 4 months or so, but have let it slide here recently. No wonder we have been off. He needs to know that he is still #2 in my life, and I in his.
There is no other way to get around the fact that Caroline needs us, hand and foot right now. And really we have a ball with her. We laugh most evenings at how funny she is and marvel at how in love with her we are. But as much as I am in love with her...I am even more in love with her daddy.
Sometimes the best thing we can do as parents is make sure that the child sees what love looks like as man and wife. And sometimes love looks like saying no to the child and yes to your spouse. I pray Caroline grows up to see a healthy picture of this between her daddy and I.
So my question for you is, how do you make it work?
Madly in love,
Lindsey
Lindsey -- I just found your blog. I have been thinking so much about this same thing lately. I am about to be married and we talk about babies, but this is such a fear of mine, but it has to be normal. Good luck finding your balance again. I love {and appreciate} your honesty.
ReplyDeleteSweet blog. I have a story on your children noticing you spending time together...Layla and Kate were on our bed with us playing and Stephen grabbed my hand to hold it...Layla looked at it and then grabbed her daddy's hand and tried to interlock her fingers they way mine were and smiled at him. ;) They notice. Stephen looked at me and said, "See I do need to start taking her on the father/daughter dates now." Melted me like butter...
ReplyDeleteLinds,
ReplyDeleteJust read this randomly. So glad that this is how ya'll are striving to live. I also pray this for my future family, and hope people reading this know that God didn't intend for kids to be number 1. Love that you and Chris are sweet number 2s :)