Well, needless to say after sweet C came along we turned our 5 year week long, all inclusive vacation into two long weekends one in May and one in October since I couldn't bare the thought of being gone from her for a full week. The first one in May we opted for a trip that we have longed to do, New York City. It just so happened that the Yankees were playing the Boston Red Sox that weekend and Chris loves the Yankees so it was a done deal!
As the trip quickly approached (and I changed my mind about going several dozen times) I planned for my goodbye to Caroline for the first time ever. It was hard enough that we had to get our will together in case anything happened to us while we were gone, and you can only imagine the thoughts that began to run through this first time mom's head. "What if...." "What if..." "What IF!" It finally came to a head the night before we left after I put Caroline to bed that I knelt beside my bed as I began to cry and plead with God to not only take care of us, but to take care of her. I couldn't imagine the What ifs.
But that evening I felt peaceful as I went to bed. I mean why wouldn't he take care of us. He loves us. All of us. But as Thursday morning arrived I held her close just smelling her sweet skin and holding her tiny little hand. The throat closing was already beginning to take place.
We drove to my friends house who was keeping C for the first night, a quiet drive it was. When we finally got there Chris began to unload the hundreds of things I packed for Caroline while we were gone. It looked as if she was going to be moving in. Me and Caroline walked into the house. My PRECIOUS friend was too sweet as she kindly placated me while I went through my printout of schedule and prepared food list (that I had made and frozen for her so she would still have some home cooking while I was gone) as if she doesn't have 4 children of her own.
Then it was time. I wasn't prepared for it as I thought I was. I was trying to so hard to be strong...but after Chris prayed over her and I handed her off, the throat closing just couldn't hold off any longer. I solemnly got in the car, put my sunglasses on and let the tears go. And go. And go. And go...well you get the idea. About 15 minutes later Chris finally glanced at me and asked "You going to be ok?"
Well, I don't know if I will ever be Ok without her. She is part of me and with her not with me it's as if a part of me is missing (cliche I know). But I will be fine. And once we arrived at the airport and I got through the first flight to Chicago, I was much better. And once I saw the Sky line of New York I was doing great.
I am going to blog about our trip this coming week...so for now I will jump to the coming home part.
It sure was hard to say goodbye, but it was beautiful to reunite! I felt like it was Christmas morning as we pulled into the driveway to pick up the sweetness. It just so happened that she was standing in the window, nose pressed to the glass, looking at the bunnies in the yard. I about jumped out of the car and stood nose to nose with her at the window. The smile that exuded from her face was nothing but the pure joy that I was feeling as well. I was home. I busted through the door calling her name and then before I knew it she was wrapped in my arms and together we were again. And together we have been since then.
She adapted great, and from what I understand from my parents she was a pure angel while we gone. I mean what was I expecting. So all to those moms out there who are considering or not considering vaca'ing without your little one...it wasn't so bad. We made it and our better for it. Now I am really looking forward to our trip in October.
Reunited and it feels so good,
Lindsey
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