I am going to start this particular blog with a disclosure. Both my parents read my blog and I want to do them the honor and respect that they deserve. So I am going to ask nicely that no one read to far deep into my blog trying to figure out if I am making references to them or my upbringing. I will be very open when it is about them and when it isn't. But this is in no way shape or form about them...it's about all of us as parents.
Several years ago, I had the privilege of traveling with my church family to Guatemala on a medical missions trip. I can't tell you how life changing this trip was for my husband and I. The people of Guatemala are absolutely beautiful inside and out. Each day we were taken to a remote village where we would set up a medical facility where people would come to see a doctor. While they were waiting for the prescriptions to be filled we would witness to them about the Love of God. One particular day, I sat with a lady as she held a child close to her body, completely covered by a blanket. I asked if I could see the child, as she was at the doctors for him and not herself. As she lifted the blanket I could see the child was downs and handicapped. My heart broke for this mom as she explained that her pastor and church believed that it was because of her sins that the child was like this. You could see the shame and desperation in this woman's eyes. She was carrying around the weight of a wound so profound I could barely catch my breath. That's when I began praying...asking and pleading for the Lord to do a miracle for this child and mother. We still server a God that can and will do miracles. But that day, I did not see one. I left feeling disheartened and utterly devastated.
Fast forward to this morning. As Caroline was taking her morning nap, I spent the minutes nestled on my couch with my head in my Bible Study, The Patriarchs by Beth Moore. It is traveling through the lives of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob. Today was all about the similarities of Abraham and Issac. As Father and Son the similarities were not only physical in appearance but also in disposition and character. All through Genesis 26 the chapter makes references to how Issac acted like his father and how, unfortunately, he carried out some of the same sins as his father. In the words of Beth "Through parents influence, we not only take on many of their characteristics, but we also take on much of their character, or lack there of it."
The study took me down a path of looking at my own upbringing and what I inherited from my parents, but also what I was going to pass along to my child. And for the longest time I really wanted to pass along nothing of me to her. I mean who I am, in my flesh...is an ugly person. But because of God, I stand confident in the woman He is making me. I do want Caroline to get that part of me, the part that wholeheartedly loves her Savior more than life. And that's the thing that really got me.
We all for the most part have some dysfunction in our families of origin. My parents, though they did the best they could, would admit that they had some fumbles. I have focused on those for the majority of my life. It's easy to remember the bad stuff and forget the good. And as it seems, I also have taken on the some characteristics from them that I swore I never would. And that's when a statement by Beth Moore stabbed me right in the heart....
"Those of us who want badly enough to be free in Christ and filled by His Spirit can-through the mighty power of God- decide which emotional and spiritual characteristics we are willing to maintain as an inheritance. One reason we want to be careful and deliberate about what we agree to inherit is that we too will pass on multiple characteristics and much character. Or lack of it. We don't want to judge our parents lest God and the next generations judge us by the scorecard we kept. "
I don't know about you, but I don't want my child to judge me when I know that I am doing the best that I can. I also don't want to pass along the junk in my life to her. I want to pass on the good parts of me just like I want to inherit the good parts of my parents. There are good things that I wouldn't let myself accept from them as I was so assured that I wanted to be different.
So this morning I spent the time letting go of all the things that I do not want to pass on to Caroline that I inherited. There were things that I spent time letting go of that I don't want to pass along to Caroline that have nothing to do with my parents. And then I spent time accepting the blessings that my parents have passed along to me, the good things that I haven't let myself see before. I have gotten my dad's logical side. He has a beautiful way of stepping back and seeing the reality of a situation and making a strategic decision based on that reality. He never stays stagnant, he is always moving and challenging himself. I got that from my dad, and I am thankful. I got my mom's passion to overcome. If there ever was a woman that has overcome trial after trial it's her. She may have fallen but she finds a way to get up. It may have been a poor decision but she will learn from her mistake. She is an overcomer...and I got that from her~ and I am thankful.
As I look back on that mother in Guatemala, I don't just think about the little boy she held in her arms as she walked away...I think about the several other children that were following right behind her. In no way shape or form are second generational sins the fault of the first generational sinners, Ezekiel 18 makes sure that we know we are all responsible for our own actions. And that little boy was in no way the way he was because of her. But because of what we learn as children we are prone to choose the same responses as our parents because that's what we know. And those children who were all together healthy on the outside will have a uphill battle to fight to overcome the emotional responses of their mother.
And the same goes for us, we all have a battle to fight. I am fighting not only for me but for Caroline. I am sure I will pass along my share of unhealthy emotional responses, but if I can try to keep it as a carry on and not a full blown suitcase I will stand satisfied at the end of my life.
Mom and Dad...I love you. Thank you for giving me so many great characteristics and teaching me much about good character. I respect you and honor you. A lot of who I am today is because of you guys. I pray that Caroline will receive many of the blessings you passed along to me.
trudging forward,
Lindsey
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